that’s all there are to prove that my gall bladder is gone. oh, and my dad has the stones. ugly little fuckers. should have taken pictures.
i have one incision at my solar plexus, two on my right side about half way down my abdomen, and one inside my belly button. that’s the strangest one, i think. and my belly button is taped shut with the stuff they used to keep the stitches in place. so it’s neither an innie nor an outie, it’s just plugged up. kind of like when they patch a pot hole in the street, they just fill it in with a little asphalt and it overflows the top….
oooh. excuse me, i’m on vicodin. in case you hadn’t already noticed. i think it’s time to go sleep some of this off…
Continue reading ‘four little holes…’
thought i’d put this on a blog that people actually read, as opposed to my own…
is it just me, or are people getting more stupid? this woman has been calling me for two days looking for someone named nancy. i don’t know where she got it in her mind that my phone number is nancy’s number, but she did. she started calling me about an hour and a half ago, and when i picked up the phone she said, ‘i’m sorry, i must have the wrong number, are you nancy?’ she’s called about every 10 minutes since 9:30.
Continue reading ‘hello, wrong number’
the yoshi will play!
things i did this weekend while my girlfriend was in vegas watching strippers:
made 3 cd’s worth of music for my brother’s wedding–over three hours of music for the reception. you have your standard wedding fare (at least standard at any wedding where my family is involved) of funk, disco, hip-hop, and oldies, and then there’s the stuff for the bride–music you’d find on dawson’s creek, buffy, or movies like serendipity and bounce. eeek.
Continue reading ‘when the cat’s away….’
do you think anyone will read this over at verizon?
—letter begins here—
I cannot even begin to express how disappointed I am with the ongoing issues I’m having with your billing department.
Continue reading ‘to hell with ‘modern conveniences’’
i’ve got to get a digital camera and permanently attach it to my arm. that way, i could snap pictures of jozjozjoz in her daily routine, spilling coffee on her chest, doing the jozjozjoz dance, and generally providing the much needed comic relief in our lives.
last week, sharky came over to hang out. jozjozjoz, being the good hostess, was making edamame for us to snack on as we watched tv. we usually buy the giant bag of edamame from costco which has a ziploc top. does anyone see where i’m going with this?
Continue reading ‘jozjozjoz being jozjozjoz’
it didn’t need to be verified, but i did it anyway. thanks to julie.
How much of a pottymouth are you?
for the record, i can swear in english, spanish, armenian, korean, vietnamese, and i can count to 6 in mandarin.
i’m here today to let the world know that i witnessed jozjozjoz at the gym tonight, wearing some sort of sign on her head (or maybe it was taped to the back of her shirt) that said, “hi, freaks, please come talk to me, i love it!”
she had her headphones on and was obviously watching ER, and this guy got on the elliptical machine next to her.
freak guy: (shouting over the machines) what’s on tv?
jozjozjoz: ER
fg: oh, is that a tv show?
joz: uh huh (quit talking to me, you freak)
fg: so do you think the stock market is going to bounce back?
joz: dunno. i’m not in the stock market (if i mumble, will he stop talking to me?)
fg: (incredulously) you’re not in the stock market? How are you going to get rich if you’re not in the stock market?
joz: (looks at the hunny pleading for intervention or at least confirmation that she’s not making this stuff up)
3 minutes later…
fg: (somewhat laboriously, having been on the machine for 3 minutes) so, how do you think president bush is handling things?
joz: (continues to stare at tv, pretending not to hear fg)
fg: humph. (goes back to huffing and puffing on machine)
i didn’t believe it when she told me, but she’s an actual freak magnet.
Continue reading ‘Daily Affirmations’
I should not eat all three candy bars I bought in one sitting.
I should not buy dvds 13 at a time.
I should not surf porn instead of going to the gym.
sigh. oh well. tomorrow’s another day. (incidentally, i went to the gym after i finished surfing porn.)
there are, of course, justifications for all three…
Continue reading ‘Things I Just Shouldn’t Do…’
Henceforth, the Hunny shall be known as ‘yoshi’ or ‘yosh.’
Got it? Good.
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