Archive for the ':: sharky the kid post ::' Category

a new meaning for hair ball….

Cat Bowling

Enjoy!

I had to laugh out loud…

The drive into work this morning was just like any other morning. Traffic backed up at the west end of Fountain… on Holloway just before Sunset….and of course on Sunset.

As the traffic is creeping along at about 3mph – something caught my eye. Brightly colored objects on the ground up ahead….. Had aliens landed in the middle of the night?

As I got closer, I discovered the objects were pink, purple and bright green sleeping bags. In them, late teens, early 20’s girls – mostly blondes. I’m thinking…. What the heck? Will there be some parade? It’s not Johnny Depp’s star hands-and-feet in cement ceremony – that’s in the other direction and on Hollywood Blvd [and on Friday at 11am, not today]. Then I look up on the marquee of the world famous Roxy and it reads: Hanson

Who knew those little blonde boys (whose lead singer looked like a girl) were Ummm-bopping around these days? That group of 10-15 little girls in their brightly colored strawberry shortcake sleeping bags should have slept in their own little beds getting a good night sleep, instead they slept out on the sidewalk and will be super tired when their dreamboats take the stage tonight…. I’m just sayin’

In a galaxy far far away….

All of your Star Wars fans LISTEN UP! Tune into the USA Network next Monday night, June 20th for the AFI Lifetime Achievement salute to George Lucas. It was a star studded evening with the original cast: Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Harrison Ford, R2D2, C3PO, and Chewbaca, along with Warren Beatty, Annette Benning, William Shatner, Claire Danes, Robert Duval, Calista Flockhard, John Williams and others!

Now we all know how much Jozjozjoz likes to post photos of food, so I couldn’t help myself when I wandered by this seat:

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Yes, it’s George’s starter for dinner. What exactly is it? Caterer Wolfgang Puck created this “Pesky Toe Crab with avacado, edamame, in a lemon ginger vinagrette” Interesting to say the least…
Continue reading ‘In a galaxy far far away….’

There’s a spaceship in front of my house….

When I went downstairs to go out of my gate to my car this morning this was sitting in front of my house

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Please note the incredible realistic image on the driver’s head rest
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Somewhere the aliens are roaming free in Los Angeles…… call 911 if you see them!

Your opinion please….

Every day on the way home I drive past this billboard – in fact I wait at a light that takes at least 3 – 5 minutes to change and this is my view….
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What do you think?

My big ones for your little ones….

Yes, I have large breasts. Not excessively huge, but big, nonetheless. “A fine rack,” you may say. “Big hooters.” “Baywatch material.” “Nicely stacked.” “Melons.” “Lovely grapefruits.” Or my favorite, “TORPEDOES!” Feh.

The fact is, I hate them. Loathe and detest. Despise. I want them off my body and gone! Not only do they give me backaches, but I can’t sleep on my stomach. I find it hard to kiss my partner, as there’s always this “mass” between us. Sex is a bitch. I can no longer jog. I’m afraid that when I run, they’ll bounce so much that I’ll end up with two black eyes! I have a hard time buttoning shirts, since those two buttons at chest-level are stretched tight and constantly break off and the rest are loose. I often find leftovers lingering there. And odd things, like leaves and Post-It notes.

Yeah, you’re probably laughing at this point, but it’s really NOT FUNNY! (Well, not unless you laugh at the fact that I actually have a T-shirt that my left nipple has *rubbed a hole in* — not unlike the way guys pumice their jeans to make their dick look bigger and burlier, like it actually wore through their trousers and is about to chase you down the street). I’m not talking a white, faded spot, though; I’m talking an *actual* HOLE in my T-shirt! You know, so my nipple can look out and see the world (and perhaps chase you down the street), thus mocking me even more.)

Guys, how would you like to have balls so big that you couldn’t lay on your stomach or see your shoes when standing? Or jog? Or hug someone without them jutting into the other person, forcing you to lean over or else stand several inches away. Wait, stupid question, why did I ask? Forget I said that.

Girls with small(er) breasts, you don’t know how lucky you are! Why in the hell would you want to *increase* the size of them?!? Especially with some gelatinous unknown substance in a plastic baggie, blech! Wait, stupid question. Forget I said that. But that’s the reason I’m here!

I want to trade my large breasts for your smaller ones! Mine are pasty white, and I don’t really care what color yours are, as long as they’re comfortable and I can sleep face-down… and play sports again. No reasonable offer refused.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program

I don’t know why the blog disappeared for awhile, but thank goodness it’s back. Joz would kill me if it disappeared!

What the…..!

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My co-worker – we’ll just call her “mommy” – showed me this ultrasound of her baby girl, taken this morning. I swear this photo has NOT been in any way “enhanced” or edited….. Do you see what I see??

Stupid Creatures….

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Send John Murphy $40 with a handful of socks (preferably clean) and a little creative direction like “must have multiple arms and four eyes,” and he’ll darn your very own Stupid Creature. A typical pair of socks yields one Stupid Creature, which is able to stand on its own two stocking feet at 12 inches tall. For a taller or more stupid monster, sock it to him and send two pairs. Hint: The thinner and more elastic the sock, the larger the sock creature will be.

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Enjoy!

Ahhh…. ahhhh… Choo………

When I was strolling down Madison Ave. last weekend, I came across this window and immediately thought of you…..

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and for my sweet West Coast version of SJP

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Yoshi – it’s good that she looks and not buys….

At the tone, the temperature will be….

106.4 million degrees

BEEP……………

Someone PLEASE turn on the airconditioning!

That is all……………….
Continue reading ‘At the tone, the temperature will be….’

Vote! We need your help!

While the monsterous Ms. MS is safely behind bars, our favorite morning show – NBC’s Today Show – is having a contest to bring the domestic diva out from the ranks of the average person.

3,000 would be divas from all walks of live submitted a 1 minute video and an essay in hopes of being choosen to show their stuff.


A wonderful colleague and friend of mine from who works with me at the UCLA Anderson School (yes, Sharky is a Bruin for pay) Sonya Nimri is one of the 3 Deuling Divas!

She’s very talented and could replace big bad Martha in split second with her fabulous dinner parties, interior design, and famous “make something out of nothing” ideas.

But we need your help!

The 3 dueling diva’s will go head-to-head on Monday’s show, competing for the top spot and their own segment on the Today Show with our four favorite friends, Katie, Matt, Al and Ann! Voting takes place this Monday and Tuesday, April 5th and 6th at the Today Show’s Domestic Diva website after the head-to-head competition is over.

So let’s spread the word and help Sonya win her own segment on the TODAY SHOW! Go to the Today Show website on Monday and Tuesday and VOTE!

Send an email to your friends, family and even people you don’t know!

Thanks in advance to you all and …………….GO SONYA!!!!!

Click here and go to Today’s Domestic Diva webpage

Breaking news… this just in….

In a related story to Jozjozjoz’s last post, a close friend of mine sent me some really incredible photos from her cul-de-sac in Simi Valley – one of the areas in Southern California affected by the fires.

Her family and neighbors were up all weekend armed with hoses watering down their property, and keeping watch on their homes. They all had their valuables packed up in their cars – which was parked at the end of the street in case they needed to flee. Thankfully – their homes were spared. They were part of the lucky few who escaped damage.

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belated friday gratitues…

1) for the geko 201 gps

2) for my girlfriend mentioning that we should get a gps unit (and for me having the sense to buy it) for our hiking trip into Utah’s Paria Canyon Vermillion Cliffs Wilderness area Coyote Buttes and the Wave

3) for my girlfriend learning how to use it

What a drag…..

Here is a photo from a great fundraising event my girlfriend and I attended last night. It was a blast, and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants…. eight “bitches” in heat ….. ahem …… ladies…. and I use that term loosely…. competed in the “best in drag show” at the Wilshire Ebell theater. It was a fundraiser for Aid for AIDS and an event honoring it’s creator Alexis Pittman – who passed away from AIDS in 1999.

Click to see larger picture!

Ms. Florida – Sunny Delight was crowned the winner, Ms. New York – Eatin Disorder was the runner up, and other contestants were: Ms. California – Amber Alert, Ms. Minnesota – Malla America, Ms. Vermont – Mabel Syrup, Ms. Texas – Anita Longhorn, and Ms. Hawaii Aloe Ha. Celebrity judges included in the photo: John C. Reilly, Terri Garr, Kathy Griffin, Caroline Rhea, and Sarah Chalke.

In total the event raised over $125k for the charity. If you are interested in donating to a great charity, who actually does good work for a community – please consider giving a gift to Aid For AIDS, and make it in honor of Alexis Pittman. You can donate by going to their website. The link is above. Thanks for reading my post, and considering giving a gift to a great AIDS charity.

Alexis we all miss you……

I’m moving to Canada…

Idiots chose their favorite circus performer and now he’s going to run the asylum.

I liked the former leader – he may have been a little plastic, you wouldn’t really want to hang out with him, but he was a good guy put into a bad situation from the get go (can we say Oil and Bush?). What a very sad day indeed.

So now I’ll either start a new recall or move to Canada…..

That is all

Gotta keep myself busy somehow…

My gf is in Vienna, Austria visiting her family, and i’m going nuts trying to keep myself busy to pass the time away until she gets back. Usually time flys – especially when you are having fun, but I’m not having fun, all work and no play makes sharky go insane!

To keep myself busy and amused during the day I do a bit of work, chat up some friends, bug jozjozjoz, and surf the net. One of my favorite places to visit on a daily basis is Skurdycat’s blog site. I’m so loving the adorable photo of Jen as a child, I’m sure you’ll like it too. She recently posted this great link to a UK website that’s kept me quite busy this morning (and keeping me from working). It’s a slang website and you type in a word and it gives you the Brit slang for it. So I thought I’d share it with you all …. here are some phrases I typed in:

jozjozjoz
n. an inquiry of health, and confirmation of same.
“Hey there, old chap – jozjozjoz?” “Jozjozjoz.”

yoshi
v. to kiss violence.
“We should yoshi, girl.”

professor eric
adj. more exceptional than usual.
“Do you like my girl, Jackie?” “Yeah, it’s professor eric.”

tcubed
n. a type of television programme.
“Check out that tcubed, buddy!”

sharky the kid
n. a particularly irritating girl.
“What’s with the sharky the kid, Billy?”

Denise
adj. colourful.
“Girl, you’re so Denise.”

Interesting that they are sooooo eerily on the mark *wink*

Bussi Bussi Bussi mein schatz

(Also seen at jewdez and snazzykat)

Yes, we have no red carpet images…

Sorry Joz baby and all of the blog fans – I let you down. I feel really bad. Thursday night when I went to the Secondhand Lions premiere down in Westwood, I was running late, and completely forgot my cell phone and camera! Thus there are no red carpet photos of anyone.

So to make it up to you all, I’m posting a photo of the Yummy-licious Ms. Jennifer Garner who was at the Nautica Malibu Triathlon the Sunday before the premiere. It was a fun day out at the beach watching all the athletes compete, also a good place to star watch, as well as cheering on my sweetheart who did her very first triathlon (Congrats sweetie, i’m so proud of you!)

Before the race, I talked for a few minutes with former Ironman Triathlon Champ Aussie Greg Welch (who was cheering on his wife Sian Welch), Actor William H. Macy (who is so good looking in person) we chatted a bit about his cycling leg of a relay team – and his beautiful and talented wife Felicity Huffman was running the anchor leg of the team. And there were other stars scattered around here and there. So without further delay… the gorgeous and oh so talented…… Ms. Jennifer Garner
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: : : Sigh : : :

Mean people suck. That is all.

Shark bite

Happy Hump day!

And a big thanks to all of the JozJozJoz fans who visit this site daily! We hope you are enjoying all of our madness!

Today I’d like to post yet another Shark scoop™ on one of our site’s favorite TV shows Boy Meets Boy.

Last we checked in on the mates in their plush Palm Springs digs, only Brian H., Franklin, and Wes remained in the hunt for James affection (and all expense paid trip to New Zealand!), but as we saw last week, our friends at Bravo! had one last twist to turn on unsuspecting James and his lush of a friend Andra, oh, did I just say that? Come on now, do you ever see the woman without a drink in her hand?? Can we say AA? Anyhow – Dani the hostess with no personality what – so – ever filled our poor little doe eyed James in on the big secret – that one of the remaining mates was straight! Oh the horror! Did you all see the change in his expression? Priceless! To make things worse, he had to go and tell lushy slushy Andra that the big bad producers played a dirty little trick on them and snuck in a straight guy! Well as we all know, she freaked out and went ballistic! And of course it was “all about her” and that they (the producers) are making a big fool out of her by getting her to like these guys and “shoving them down your (James) throat”. Sure Andra – it’s all about you!

Moving on… quickly…. James goes on three 1on1 dates with the remaing mates and his objective is to figure out which one is straight and feeding him lies. James logic is ill thought out and warped so at the end of it all – he’s still clueless to which one is putting the big act. Now we all sit and wait breathlessly until next week to find out who James selects as his remaining mate to fly off to beautiful New Zealand with….

SPOILER ALERT!!! Do not read on if you don’t want to find out which mate James had the best “connection” with…
Continue reading ‘Shark bite’

another scoop from the shark

With all the info that’s coming into my life lately, I’m wondering if I should become a entertainment reporter – but not one of those scum of the earth tabloid rags like the enquirer or daily mirror or?? Yuck – I’d rather become that Billy guy on Access Hollywood or Ryan Seacreast (gay men’s posterchild). Oh wait, he’ says he’s not gay. Coulda fooled me! *wink*

Anyhow, there is a certain athlete that has been in the news lately… a lot … and when having lunch with a good friend of mine who’s hubby works in the sports world gave me a scoop on the rumblings around the water cooler.
Continue reading ‘another scoop from the shark’

Sharky’s wild weekend, also known as Welcome to the Twilight Zone

I swear that I was the main character in a new episode of the Twilight Zone. Three of my distinctly different universes collided within three hours of one another.

Universe number 1 – I’ve been a single gal for some time now, mostly by choice. I’ve needed time – a lot of time – to get over my ex. And I must say that in all truth, that I’m not completely over her, but I understand what happened oh so many years ago, and I’m ok that she is seeing someone else who treats her well. She’s happy and that matters to me. So, realizing that it’s time I can begin to search for a mate, I sign up on match.com. Now, I’m no Jennifer Garner, but I can be cute at times, and my intelligence and sense of humor make up for my shortcomings in the looks department. Besides, my ex told me that she became attracted to me because of my charm – and think of her as a younger Catherine Zeta Jones meets Sandra Bullock – really! She’s gorgeous, and has the brains to back it up. Anyhow, so I’m cruising the website, checking out photos and statements of people in my area. I find about a dozen or so potential candidates. Narrow it down to one. So I drop an email to her, comment on our mutual likes, and drop some flattery about her smile. I wait for a response…. 5 days pass and finally an answer : “Hi….. thanks for the very kind and flattering note. You obviously took an interest in my profile and it does appear that we have quite a bit in common. I’m sure that I come across much better on paper, to be truthful, I’m quite picky and opinionated. For those reasons… I have to let you know that I cannot return the interest, I hope that you will understand. Good luck with your search and I hope that you find someone soon.” Bummer. On to plan B….

Universe number 2 – I love gay men and make over shows. Thus I adore watching the new smash on Bravo “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy”. What a fun and enlightening hour of TV. Jozjozjoz, Yoshi and I watch it religiously together every Tuesday. I suggest you do too!

Universe number 3 – I was a jock in high school. I met and hung out with one of my teammates who I found absolutely adorable. Big dimples when she smiled. I followed her around like a lovesick puppy dog for ½ a year. I also had a “white trailer trash” neighbor who I hung out with when I was bored. I was always prodded with questions if my friend “crush” was gay. I never ever said anything about it, but my neighbor and her even bigger “white trailer trash” friend spread rumors about my “crush” being gay around school, and attributed it to me. Needless to say, for some reason, people thought the rumor was true (that I had spread the word) and neither my “crush” nor coach believed me. I called to tell my “crush” that I never said that, and they made it up (because they were jealous of my “crush” being one of the best athletes in school). From then on, I was pretty much exiled to my own island the rest of the time in high school by my “crush” and coach.

So Saturday night my friend decided it was time for me to get back into the game. We headed out to Santa Monica Blvd. to take in the last hours of sunlight, a cold beverage, and human scenery on the patio at the Abbey. But first I had to go and get some cash from the ATM. As we were on our way, we were accosted in front of the Weho hot spot “Here”. Two fabulous gay men grabbed us and said, “our friend is bartending and we need some women, come in and I’ll buy you some drinks”. Normally I wouldn’t even consider this offer, but since I recognized one of the handsome boys, why the heck not, a free drink courtesy of two cute men – and no sex was expected! So Jai, Robb, Steph and I took a seat at the bar. Across from us sat Thom, and pouring this lovely evening was Brian H., quite a stunner with these amazing blue eyes. Yes, boys when in Weho, go see Brian at HERE!
Continue reading ‘Sharky’s wild weekend, also known as Welcome to the Twilight Zone’

Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen’s marriage won’t last.

good god! that marriage won’t last long. why? Here’s the top ten reasons……

Number 10… she’s doing it to get her name out and get famous (she’s already been on jozjozjoz.com)
Number 9… vern may be a really nice guy, but he can’t even get his arms around the woman, and hey, women like to be held and cuddled.
Number 8… so he may not be small “everywhere” but come on, really – it’s gotta be no bigger than one twix bar, so he better be good with those little fingers!
Number 7… she’ll get tired of carrying him around in one of those kiddie backpacks when he gets tired
Number 6… he’s not tall enough to go on the rides at amusement parks
Number 5… she’ll get sick of people saying, what a cute little boy you have, when she hasn’t given childbirth yet….
Number 4… mrs. mini me?
Number 3… tired of ordering a high chair at fancy restaurants
Number 2… who marries guys named vern?

and the top reason why the marrige won’t last very long……
Number 1… she’ll get tired of scooting down the red carpet on her ass!!

8/7/2003 UPDATE by jozjozjoz:
Sharky & I have confirmed that jozjozjoz.com has indeed been visited by THE Genevieve Gallen (see comment/urps). We thank her for her willingness to answer questions and for being so nice in her correspondence with us. She has been such a good sport! We wish her & Verne happiness in their future and look forward sharing her side of the story with you.

Per her request, we present Genevieve’s rebuttal to Sharky’s Top Ten List:

Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen’s marriage WOULD last.

#10: I have known Verne since January of 2000. In the duration, I have met many “famous” men who are not half the man Verne is in heart and personality. There are easier ways to become famous than being in a long term real and intimate relationship. Plus, my career in modeling and private yoga lessons is well established and a reward in itself.
#9: To set the record straight. I am 5 ‘6 without heels and very petite. He is the most amazing man to be held by, and I am fortunate to have his arms around me.
#8: Lets just say, make no assumptions. I am a very satisfied woman.
#7: ahhh….this one is too out there to comment. I will be carrying a kiddie backpack if we decide to have kiddies. :)
#6: When you live in Southern California with it’s spontaneous earthquakes, who needs amusement parks?
#5: And they will get sick of hearing “what a cute little intellect you have!” :)
#4: Now I agree, that one would get old quite quickly. You almost hit a “David Letterman” count with that one.
#3: 20″ Rims rollin’ through the drive through. Or better yet, “Fancy restaurants” will have the Verne. I.P. room.
#2: If fortunate enough, Genevieve Gallen. :)
#1: Yogic practioners are used to sitting in lotus possition for hours, look at it as a good work out. Or goin’ down the carpet with flair! I do have to watch the length of my skirts though!
All the best to you who wish us well!!! G.

Welcome to the first day of summer?

Since jozjozjoz will probably be wiped out tonight when she gets home, thought I’d help her out by adding an entry for today. Let me introduce myself, I’m Sharky the Kid – the friend, the neighbor, the single and attractive…. oh wait, that’s for another website.

I love the first day of summer, it ranks right up there with Christmas, my birthday and Halloween. Why? It’s the one day of the year, where we are “supposed” to have the most light from the sun into the evening. I look forward to those days when I get home and it’s still light out for hours. Don’t get me wrong, I love Halloween and the bewitching hour, but it just sucks when you leave for work when it’s still kinda dark, and you get home when it’s dark. Can anyone out there relate?

So I’m totally looking forward to today – it’s the weekend, which makes today even greater… and in Los Angeles, where it’s sunny all the time – who could ask for anything more? So I wake up all excited and look out my window……

and it’s f@#!ing raining! For God sakes, it’s the first f@#!ing day of Summer and its f@#!ing raining!

I’m moving to San Diego or somewhere where they have more sunshine…….




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