jozjozjoz.com

Have you had dreams with me in them despite the fact that we have never met? Have you constructed a picture of what I look like based on the various clues and comments I have made? Am I a short fat Filipino man with a bad smoking habit? Or a tall Trinidadian basketball player with a weakness for kettle corn? Or am I the hottest skinny white jew you have ever met? Or am I secretly a construction of the government to get calculated answerers on the pulse of the average American? These are all good guesses. But lets make it tangible.

I am looking for a new picture to represent me for all of my electronic personas. YOU, yes you, could be the creative genius to create my e-image… Please no porn. (will I regret saying that?…) seriously take a stab at what I look like. It does not have to be based in the realm of reality. Maybe I have wings and fangs? Maybe I have the build or a merman and work in a hot tub office room? Or maybe I have no legs and contently roll around life in my souped up wheelchair. You decide.

Winner gets the satisfaction of knowing that they created the e-me (and if I really like it and get a good pay check, I may just get a little surprise for the winner.) send all submissions to professoreric @jozjozjoz.com in a readable picture format (jpeg, pict, etc.) and don’t make it to huge, we don’t want joz getting’ angry. This is an exciting opportunity! We all await the e-me. Updates will of course be made for all to see! Thanks.

Sincerely,
professoreric

Once she gets into your bloodstream there is nothing you can do… but come back for more. as evidence, read this testimonial from my sis:

“Praise for Joz

I like to start out my morning by reading the paper on the computer. I read the Globe for Red Sox information. I read La Prensa for Nicaraguan news. I sometimes even read my home town weekly paper, but that�s mainly to see if anyone I know had gotten arrested. Until recently, my morning news gobbling felt complete. Until the day professoreric turned me on to JozJozJoz. That day everything changed. Now I need my Joz fix first thing, before I tackle the latest worker strike or rural drought in the RAAN of Nicaragua. I admit it! I�m an addict. Addicted to JozJozJoz. Well, let he who has never read her blog cast the first stone.
That�s all I have to say about it. Cheers! Missbrookline.”

There you have it. It’s 10:00, do you know where your kids are?

For reals! at a yard sale today! it is beautiful. the lady that sold it to me said she found it at some antique store or something while driving around the Midwest long ago. and in the center of it she painted a cactus scene, which i just didn’t have the heart to destroy. so i used a crowbar and pried the wood off the back which it was painted on and replaced it with some plywood i bought at a hardware store which i first sprayed with my favorite spray-paint which turns anything into a chalk board. now i have a chalkboard and a gun rack in one! it is beautiful and i have two little cacti, which i purchased to put on the little shelf underneath it. i love my gun rack. now if only i loved guns… but i am gonna ask for one of those huge supersoakers for my birthday so i can fit it snugly on my gun rack (which is capable of holding 4 standard sized shotguns). jozjozjoz will have to come over and take a picture…

So here is a poem that a friend shared with me that made me really happy today. Hope i don’t get a cease and desist for republishing someone’s works… enjoy. -the prof.

———————————————-
From Blossoms

From blossoms comes
this brown paper bag of peaches
we bought from the boy
at the bend in the road where we turned toward
signs painted Peaches.

From laden boughs, from hands,
from sweet fellowship in the bins,
comes nectar at the roadside, succulent
peaches we devour, dusty skin and all,
comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.

O, to take what we love inside,
to carry within us an orchard, to eat
not only the skin, but the shade,
not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.

There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.

-Li-Young Lee

One of my friends sent a mass e-mail to let everyone know about the premier of a show that she was involved with called “Playing it Straight,” which I believe will be on Fox. I know friends are supposed to be kind, but I couldn’t hold back the vomit that was rising in my throat when I found out that someone I know is endorsing this unpalatable garbage. So I wrote her back an angry e-mail to send to her bosses. (I won’t share that with you because it was too polite, instead I will rant.)
Continue reading ‘Bad Gay Media! –or– Why not “Kirstie Alley Hosts: Same Sex Shot Gun Weddings”’

i tried to get myself away from the driving and smog and craziness of the city so i decided to go to the beach, my favorite beach, which is just past malibu.

well, and i have been freaking out, so i will make this quick and less detailed as i would like to make it… but while swimming in the water, i noticed all of a sudden all of these fish suddenly coming toward me, they were your typical flying fish etc, so i could see them in the distance leaping out of the water and coming quickly toward me. the gulls were right behind them, and there was a general energy of extreme tension.

i was the only one in the water and decided to get out, so i started swimming as fast as i could, which took me about 2 minutes to get to shore cause tide was against me and i was far out into the ocean.

just as i see the fish and gulls etc reaching the point where i had just been, a coastguard or baywatch (minus pam and david) helicopter swoops down and is making this scary announcement: “every calmly but quickly get out of the water, there has been shark sightings in the area, every one please get out for your own safety” that was the basic message.

i looked out again and saw three fins and a dark red cloud forming while the fish kept flying and trying to get away. i freaked out, and left. i am now safely in my apartment and i just saw a report about it on the news. you are all lucky that i didn’t become professoredible… yikes.

Links by jozjozjoz, who is very glad professoreric is not professoredible!

Look, I love Sarah Polley. My sister and I have always been fans. She is one of the treats that Canada has given us (we also appreciate: The Kids in the Hall, cold fronts from the north, and a land much like the U.S. except with out as many guns and less garbage, and more healthcare…). Anyway she is in a new remake of Romero’s “Dead” trilogy, specifically “Dawn of The Dead” which looks fabulous! I decided to let my sis know about it. Here are the e-mails that transpired:
Continue reading ‘Concerning Ving Rhames and his many contributions to the world of high art…’

People, people, people! Simmer down. Look, we have to take this one step at a time. I mentioned recently in a joz-urp that if need-be my services could be requisitioned if necessary, for dating services. More correctly, a pre-date for an anticipated-instant-jealousy-induced-date. Well I have talked it over with my lawyers (ok, a friend of mine who was pre-law ‘til he discovered how much more exotic dancing pays) and I have decided, I will not go into business officially. I will, however, take each date/escort proposition on a case-by-case basis. Since I have already had some interest, I will have to start a list. As of now here is the order: 1. azure (we will work on the other date) 2. Shannon (depending on my schedule, I might agree to having you fly me out to Ohio, for your purposes) 3. Meeta (will do our best to make sure the “wonders never cease” as you say.) Everyone else, well, get in line! Each person desiring my services must submit an essay, no longer then 500 words, to help me get a better idea on how to set priority. I cannot accept payment, only gifts and dinner and a show. Remember, I am here to help. Think of me as the Mother Teresa of the Dating World (except I am alive and not an old nun in India.)

I am grateful that I finally have a plan for my Halloween costume!

It started when my sister told me that she is planning to be a 50’s housewife. (I will be in s.f. this Halloween, and spending it with sister and friend.) Hmmm… I thought, what could I be that could go with that. Ponder ponder ponder. Got it! Since she will be someone from the 50’s, I am going to be someone in his 50’s (my dad specifically, dirty undershirt, jeans, flannel shirt, grey hair and beard, and of course an AARP card!) Simple and fun. But what will my friend be? Got that too! Since sister will be from the 50’s, and I will be in my 50’s, she must be 50! 50 Cent that is! I think it is clever and very stupid; just the way I like things. What are y’all gonna be? Curious…

This was originally an email to Joz, but I thought I’d throw it out there for some more comments and thoughts…

I finally uploaded my pictures from my trip out here to Wichita, and remembered this bizarre billboard that i had to take a picture of.

Here are my questions: Why are the quotation marks necessary? Who are they
quoting? And most importantly, what has happened or rather how many times has something happened to make them feel necessary to put up this billboard? I am also curious if any statistics have been taken about the success of this sign. has the rate decrease? has it given more people ideas they shouldn’t have? hmmmm… so many questions for one roadside sign…. i wish the answere was as easy to gather as the Alien Fresh Jerky sign that you pass on the way to vegas (it is just a shack that sells jerky… i believe there is even a website.)

remember the days of good ol’ fashioned billboards? what has happened? and why is the bible belt so fucking weird… “the world may never know” (as a tootsie-pop commercial once said.)

-proferic

this day is so slow
and all of a sudden I feel kinda dizzy for no reason
is this your life?

My friend, same one from “apples and oranges”, wrote me this while once again chatting online. I thought it was seemingly deep. It makes me feel like I should be thinking. So this piece of found poetry will take the place of my Rhyming Couplet of the day. Call it a modified modern haiku.

As promised, here is today’s rhyming couplet. Do as you will kids.

Tempted with tempeh she tinkers with me
To trudge to her house and then F.T.P.

“She sounds very European”

“like she’s from the 1960’s or 70’s in Spain or Italy”

“it sounds dramatic, but I cant understand a word she says. I think she says “emergency” in one song though…”

“I look forward to taking a listen to some more of her works in the near future…” (was that a hint for a burned c.d? hmmmm…)

he then preceded to ask me “who my favorite dessert island people were” to which I gave him a funny look, thinking he was looking for me to say something anthropological. My answer would have been, having grown up in New England and living par time in Maine, the my favorite would have to be the people of Mount Desert Island, near Acadia National Park. They are such a pleasant people. But he was asking me if I was stuck on a deserted island which 3 musical artists would I want to have the music of with me. First off I like that this island is deserted, yet has electricity or an endless supply of environmentally friendly disposable batteries, along with the sound system this island apparently has. Secondly if I had enough time to prepare my musical preferences before being stranded, I probably would have also made plans for my rescue.

Anyway, I told him that I am not sure how to make a decision like that, and he told me to just choose the first 3 that came to the top of my head. So hastily decided, my choices were 1: Bjork (of course) 2: Belle and Sebastian 3: Cibo Matto. When I turned the question around on him, he couldn’t decide, got disinterested with the conversation and wandered off. This is what Joz and I put up with all day long. We are martyrs really… Behold the glory of our suffering.