Archive for the ':: professoreric post ::' Category

ProfessorEric’s Application to the “Win A Date with Joz to the Blogger Prom” Contest

I received this entry to the contest a couple of days ago, but am just now uploading it to the site. The contest closes tonight!
~~~
Dear Joz,

Since you mentioned trouble with your attention span I have completed your application with way less than 100 literal words per question.
However, since an image is worth a thousand, I may be disqualified.
Please look over my application and let me know if I make the top tier. It is in pdf form so I could not post it myself.

Thanks.

-professoreric

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Film Review: Iron Man: A White-Hetero-Male Wet Dream

Last night my boyfriend and I had free tickets to see Iron Man. I was kind of excited to see it since I had heard great reviews, and had friends involved with the CG so I wanted to see their work. It was also wicked hot and we needed some AC. I had high-hopes that it might be politically less offensive then most other blockbuster Hollywood movies since I hadn’t really heard any criticism about the portrayals of minorities etc. Please note: this is a quick response to the film so sorry for the typos and bad grammar.

–Warning! If you plan on seeing this film I may accidentally reveal plot spoilers–
Continue reading ‘Film Review: Iron Man: A White-Hetero-Male Wet Dream’

Some Klansmen are named Earl…

Professoreric here: Disappeared again for a while, I am somewhere in Kansas again, I have found some entertainment in the local thrift and antique stores. Yesterday my friend found an entire series of old photos from a trip to Tijuana in the 40’s where a couple watched a woman bullfighter and then went into the street afterwards, put sombreros on, scowled, and tried to “look like the dirty Mexicans”. I thought this took the cake, until I saw the picture I bought. It is a suburban American scene. Nice large houses, trees, lawns, nice car, someone’s husband, and his large flag with a swastika on it. His name is Earl Tate and is if from 1941. So I own this photo now, and will scan it and give it to you Joz, to post if you wish, when I have access to a scanner. Until then we will just have to try and visualize/fantasize in our heads a time when a man, his home, his lawn, his car, and his klan flag still meant something. I can’t wait to return to LA were there is no bigotry….

I miss you Joz and pals…

Side Note to Self:

Dear Self,

Wake up earlier so you can hop in the car, drive over to Joz’s house and make her a buffet that she may partake in a well balanced and delicious breakfast.

It is not acceptable to allow your friends to not eat until 1pm, and solely snack on pork rinds. There are many other snacks besides pork rinds. For example, a million. And if Joz is seriously considering become an orthodox jew, she must abstain from all pork product.

Just 15 minutes for Joz’s food in the morning will save you the heartache of reading such post she puts up while hungry at her desk at work.

Love,
Myself
(aka professor eric)

P.S. Post more stuff on jozjozjoz so she doesn’t think you stopped loving her.

P.P.S. Post Post Script more and more and more. ‘cause it’s fun.

¡Dia de los Snacks!

Today I am typing up a report at home, so I can eat all the snacks I want… here is the list, all consumed between the hours of 10AM to 4:30 PM:

Tea, 3 large pieces of bread, with butter and raspberry quince tea jam.

4 pieces of Italian marzipan (about 4 months old).

2 packages (two crackers in each), sweet and salty rice crackers.

About 10-12 caramel filled Hershey’s kisses.

A large bowl of linguini with olive oil, salt and pepper, parmesan, and whatever veggies were in the fridge.

A grapefruit.

Two handfuls of dried cranberries.

More tea with milk and sugar this time.

A bag of microwaved popcorn. (literally the whole bag. Maybe minus about 20 un popped kernels.)

Some wine (it was already open).

Some more tea. And some more cranberries. Something I thought was a cranberry I dropped but turned out to be colorful lint. Some peanuts I found in a bag in my room while procrastinating the writing and moving onto some cleaning.

I read a cook book too. Does that count for something?

I think that is it now… but it is almost time for dinner. Someone stop me! I am going to end up like Kirsty Alley, minus a career on the comeback (loved her in Troop Beverly Hills!). I love snacks… yum. -professoreric

Nonesense

Eggplant, pinecone, paperclip, magenta, opulent…. sincerely, professoreric.

Tornado

On the beach I saw a water spout. It pulled down from the sky like taffy dripping from a table of clouds on a hot day. It was cool. I am working on the beach for the week, our offices temporarily moved into trailers here for a show, and it comes to my thoughts that when tornadoes land there favorite diet is 95% trailer. Hmmm… this may be my last post. Anyways, it was beautiful. Just wanted to share. -professoreric

2005 Early Best Simple Blog Award

Congratulations to Miss Brookline, a sometimes contributor and commentor to jozjozjoz, for winning the 2005 Early Best Simple Blog Award! This award is given to a simple blog that proves to be outstanding in writing quality, wit, and nepotism. Some things we like about it: the bus reports, the simplicity of the site, and how it is scratch n’ sniff. here is the link to check it out: http://www.fogcitynotes.blogspot.com/

Help me with Jukebox Research!

I am writing a little essay and I need some help. I need you to tell me about your favorite jukebox and the establishment that houses it. Why is it so great? What makes a good jukebox? What makes a bad one? What is the worst jukebox you know of and why is it so bad? What’s best: record, cd, internet type jukebox? What are signs of a pretentious jukebox? Know any interesting history or stories you could share with me regarding… jukeboxes? Thanks for your help. I can’t wait to hear what you guys come up with. Feel free to send this around if you think it might have some relevance to someone else. Thanks. -professoreric

p.s. missbrookline, please hold off on responding to this. i know you know where i am going with this and i am curious to hear peoples responses first.

Run Your Car off of Used Vegetable Oil!

Run Your Car off of Used Vegetable!

For real! Shameless family plug time� So, yes, I disappeared for a bit. I was doing another retched film festival. But I am back, and my cousin David is in town doing a lecture on converting your car to guzzle french-fry oil instead of evil fossil fuel� Below Please find the flyer. Below that look for more of my ramblings� If you think of anywhere appropriate to repost this please do so�
Continue reading ‘Run Your Car off of Used Vegetable Oil!’

Dear Joz…

Joz!- I am back from the Palm Desert now! I will call you in a few hours and talk your ear off. I have missed you more then the desert misses the rain. No wait let me recant that. There was plenty of rain in the desert when I was there, and let me tell you the desert was not too happy about it. There were floods. Like the flood of despair that has filled my heart with the absence of you in my life. There we go, an apt analogy. There we go. I love you honey child. And I miss all of the blogger friends. I am back now. Hooray! -professoreric

Another Open Letter to Jozjozjoz form Professoreric:

Where are you? Look it is 1:00 and our baby boy, Mo Chin, is crying again, and once again i will tell you that i can not do the single dad thing while you are gallivanting around the city with your beer buddies, ogling some poor past her prime dancer at jumbos clown room. I mean we are out of formula, and rubber nipples for his bottle, and you have the freaking car so i can’t even load the kid up and go to the 24 hour Walgreen’s and take care of the business you were supposed to take care of. Baby, seriously… Hey! Look at me when i am talking with you!… was it something i said? is there someone else? What’s going on here? things were going so well. Ok i have to come clean about something, and maybe you figured this out and maybe that’s why you haven’t been coming home much lately… ok here goes, I’m gay. Ok i know this may come as a shocker, but it’s true. And to make matters worse, i am also a vegetarian. see, i have been feeding you gay soy turkey and tofu beef. At first i just added a bit, but you didn’t seem to notice the difference. so i just kept doing it. you know. i am sorry if you feel lied to, or betrayed. but i honestly think if you calm down and stop throwing things we can talk rationally about this. Baby please, i just got the baby to sleep and if you throw this lamp you will wake him up, and we didn’t fly to china go to that orphanage and refuse all of those abandoned squinting baby girls for our perfect little baby boy (an abandoned halfie left behind by some American GI) just so you could keep him up all night with your anger issues. I read this article in the advocate about domestic violence, and they say there are some places you can go for that to get some help… Ok, well now you need to go get me some ice so this bruise wont swell up too much.. look we can work this out… So what else have you been up to?
Continue reading ‘Another Open Letter to Jozjozjoz form Professoreric:’

Open Letter to Professoreric

Dear Professoreric,

We miss you so much. Especially in these unfortunate times. Where are you where have you gone? We need you like we need: air, water, food, TiVo, candy, and/or rice… What I am saying is, it is a sad day when I cannot log onto www.jozjozjoz.com and find pleasant rantings about how disappointed you are with the gay community, or how you hate the state of healthcare in America, or how you almost got eaten by a shark. Do you get what I am saying we need you. Don’t you all agree? What have been up to that you have disappeared from our lives? Are you pregnant? Are you trying to get pregnant? Are you still eating snacks in the corner? And we need more post-it note art! It was promised. Ok…. I will try and calm down a bit. But please let me and the rest of our faithful readers know. We deserve it. And we miss you… right? Right.

Sitting here crying,
Sincerely,
The President of the Professoreric Fanclub

Spoiled

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
I just spent the evening
With JOz, unlike you!

Haha… long live the Joz international Film Festival.

-professoreric

Ghost of a day…

My morning was dragging, and my shirt inside out when I decided to walk three miles to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery for some reflection. It only took me about thirty minutes and the walk was interesting enough that it didn’t drag. I walked over the freeway and traffic was moving nicely, and I thought about how easy it would be to hop onto a slow moving truck and let it take me wherever it was going. But then I remembered that it would most likely take me somewhere in the valley way hotter then here, maybe Sylmar, so I kept walking. The cemetery was quiet and I walked around looking at various people’s expressions of what their loved ones had meant to them, reading epitaphs both generic and very personal. I walked on grave sites and through mausoleums and sat quietly at memorials. I spotted two kids making out behind Cecile B. DeMille. I saw a family adding toys and flowers to a little girls grave. I saw a man sitting by his late mother thinking. I walked on grass and on gravel paths and sidewalks and mud. I watch men in uniform shoot into the air to mourn a fallen friend. I saw the withering impatiens by the gift shop and the roses and tulip just placed in vases on various plots. As I left a woman in a vibrant blue dress looked toward the sky and wiped the sweat and tears from her face and then, while Taps played on nearby trumpets, she disappear behind the willows. On my way back home the traffic on the 101 was at a stand still and hopping on a truck’s roof would have been really easy, but pointless since they were stagnant. I bought some bread at the Armenian bakery for a buck and when in my house made a peanut butter and fluff sandwich and ate it while petting the cat and watching bad T.V. for a few before buckling down for some work. Today seems a little bit heavy, I am not sure why, it is good though. And my shirt is still inside out, and I am totally ok with that. -professoreric

Professor’s NE Tour: part II

Second time in the Seattle Library before we leave to go camping on Mt. Reinier tonight. I forgot to mention yesterday the wonderful stay with my lovely sister MissBrookline. She loved our company, but I am sure was happy we left. We are indeed a handful if not a bushel.

As you were underground, we were underground too Joz. We went to the underground tour of Seattle, which was so wicked cool. Basically due to a fire and tons of sewage problems they just filled in downtown on top of old buildings and rebuilt above it at the beginning of the last century. (dates not shown to scale). Anyone in Seattle must do this! We went into some of the old buildings and walked underneath the sidewalk on the old sidewalks just feet below.

Last night we ate amazing falafel, and decided that after our night wanderings we would return to this place and get beers and Hookah. As promised we killed three beers each and smoked two large hookahs to death. It was very late when we finally decided to search for a place to stay, eventually finding the suburban Seattle’s equivalent to the Bates Hotel from Psycho. Actually it was sleazier then that, it was more like the Master Bates Hotel… Sorry, but it’s kinda true.

Oh there will be pictures from this trip. There will be tons of them. Any requests? What do you all want to see from my trip? I will do my best to provide them at a later date.

Back soon.-professoreric

p.s. As a wise man once said, “Ottawa’s the place to stay, get you body on the floor tonight!”

Where in the North West is The Prof?

Well currently in Seattle, WA, which is awsome by the way. We have been schlepping about the national parks and have been camping and hiking and visiting all of our furry little creature friends. Here is a short list of animals we have encountered (as in very closly): Bears, deer, marmots, elk, moose, seals, sea lions, starfish, hawks, gulls, cayotes, and oh so many more. We have slept in the rain and in the fog, on the beach and in the backyard of some very nice strangers. we have slept next to rivers and under boulders, and had a ton of fun. we have found the best little thrift stores and the best falafel in small towns. we were suprised on the latter as well. now we are in the seattle public library which is incredible. more to come later maybe. Joz. please spell check for me. i have to more minutes. this trip RAWKS! love, -professoreric

WWTD? What Would Tonya Do…

I know you have asked yourself this question many times. Tonya Harding is an important part of our collective history. And there are plenty of questions that still do not have answers. For these questions all we can do is fantasize: Are there still fans of Tonya’s out there? What has she been up to? And what would a date with Tonya be like? So many questions. Most can be found at her fan site. Who would have guessed it, yes, she still has a fan site. This is really weird. And even weirder all of the stories that have been rejected are still on the web page under rejected! Who does that? Someone wicked crazy, that’s who… Enjoy. -professoreric

For the love of Japanes Teen Badminton…

Here is a daily random website i am not sure how i stumbled onto. it is full of delights. enjoy! hope it makes you smile joz! -professoreric

You know you are disgustingly skinny when…

…when you are walking down the street and after asking for change a homeless gentleman says “Damn boy, you need to eat something, you skinny! Damn, you need to eat yourself some burritos!” and considers handing you back the change you gave him to buy one. Seriously, this happened to me on Friday. I don’t know if I will feel comfortable wearing shorts again for a while. Thank god I have no interest in spandex (no one should), or tight pants or baby tank tops (sorry WeHo club scene). Anyway, now I am body conscious again, great. Thanks homeless guy… Hope next time you are on the internet you check the blog and realize what you’ve done to me…

-professoreric

A Found piece of Happiness…

Joz, darling, I will make this quick. Typing hurts my little hand still so here is a little something to cheer you up. I just love this mag/website, and I think this picture might make you laugh. Read the captions and brows the other stuff, it will make you happy.

http://foundmagazine.com/

then go to “Find of the Week”

then specifically click on “25 jan 2004”

enjoy.

-professoreric

(mad props to Davy and Jason, and the rest of the found gang.)

An Open Letter to the Pinky Finger on my Right Hand:

Dear Pinky #2,

I am sorry I thought of amputating you this week in the midst of my turmoil. You were injured and just because no one else was there for me, I shouldn’t have turned around and thought for even one second that you are in any way superfluous. Now that we are on the road to recovery things are once again in perspective. I am so sorry…
Continue reading ‘An Open Letter to the Pinky Finger on my Right Hand:’

Seeking Sexy Single Doctors

I am inspired by Shannon’s solution to my heath insurance crisis:

“If you can’t move to Canada or Cuba, I recommend the date-a-doctor route.”

Shannon, couldn’t agree more.

So…

Dear Queer, Gay, Bi, Curious, or even Female Doctors,

I would like to date you. I don’t just want to date you for your sparkling personality and your good looks, but also because I am an accident-prone person with no basic health insurance. In exchange for you fixing me when I break, I will pretty much do anything: cook, clean, pet-sit, and well other obvious significant other perks. As a test of our compatibility let us start by fixing my broken finger. After that there will be a nice date: movie, dinner, something… and we can further decide if we are meant for each other (especially until I get a job which values me enough to give me health insurance). So? What do you say. Huh? Lets give this a shot. I love those little scrubs you wear, and I am good at playing doctor too. Looking forward to hearing from all of you eligible doctors!

Sincerely,
Still injured,
professoreric

Broken and wanting to cry…

My finger got broken this weekend, and I am uninsured so I am screwed. I have called the LA Free Clinic, and they made me want to cry. They yelled at me and…
Continue reading ‘Broken and wanting to cry…’

joz asked for my grat’ today… here it is

grateful for the bird seed that i put on my balcony which brings the birds to sing in the morning and wake me up allowing me to watch their silhouettes through the curtains first thing each morning…

-professoreric




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