jozjozjoz.com

Once she gets into your bloodstream there is nothing you can do… but come back for more. as evidence, read this testimonial from my sis:

“Praise for Joz

I like to start out my morning by reading the paper on the computer. I read the Globe for Red Sox information. I read La Prensa for Nicaraguan news. I sometimes even read my home town weekly paper, but that’s mainly to see if anyone I know had gotten arrested. Until recently, my morning news gobbling felt complete. Until the day professoreric turned me on to JozJozJoz. That day everything changed. Now I need my Joz fix first thing, before I tackle the latest worker strike or rural drought in the RAAN of Nicaragua. I admit it! I’m an addict. Addicted to JozJozJoz. Well, let he who has never read her blog cast the first stone.
That’s all I have to say about it. Cheers! Missbrookline.”

There you have it. It’s 10:00, do you know where your kids are?

For reals! at a yard sale today! it is beautiful. the lady that sold it to me said she found it at some antique store or something while driving around the Midwest long ago. and in the center of it she painted a cactus scene, which i just didn’t have the heart to destroy. so i used a crowbar and pried the wood off the back which it was painted on and replaced it with some plywood i bought at a hardware store which i first sprayed with my favorite spray-paint which turns anything into a chalk board. now i have a chalkboard and a gun rack in one! it is beautiful and i have two little cacti, which i purchased to put on the little shelf underneath it. i love my gun rack. now if only i loved guns… but i am gonna ask for one of those huge supersoakers for my birthday so i can fit it snugly on my gun rack (which is capable of holding 4 standard sized shotguns). jozjozjoz will have to come over and take a picture…

So here is a poem that a friend shared with me that made me really happy today. Hope i don’t get a cease and desist for republishing someone’s works… enjoy. -the prof.

———————————————-
From Blossoms

From blossoms comes
this brown paper bag of peaches
we bought from the boy
at the bend in the road where we turned toward
signs painted Peaches.

From laden boughs, from hands,
from sweet fellowship in the bins,
comes nectar at the roadside, succulent
peaches we devour, dusty skin and all,
comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.

O, to take what we love inside,
to carry within us an orchard, to eat
not only the skin, but the shade,
not only the sugar, but the days, to hold
the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into
the round jubilance of peach.

There are days we live
as if death were nowhere
in the background; from joy
to joy to joy, from wing to wing,
from blossom to blossom to
impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.

-Li-Young Lee

One of my friends sent a mass e-mail to let everyone know about the premier of a show that she was involved with called “Playing it Straight,” which I believe will be on Fox. I know friends are supposed to be kind, but I couldn’t hold back the vomit that was rising in my throat when I found out that someone I know is endorsing this unpalatable garbage. So I wrote her back an angry e-mail to send to her bosses. (I won’t share that with you because it was too polite, instead I will rant.)
Continue reading ‘Bad Gay Media! –or– Why not “Kirstie Alley Hosts: Same Sex Shot Gun Weddings”’

i tried to get myself away from the driving and smog and craziness of the city so i decided to go to the beach, my favorite beach, which is just past malibu.

well, and i have been freaking out, so i will make this quick and less detailed as i would like to make it… but while swimming in the water, i noticed all of a sudden all of these fish suddenly coming toward me, they were your typical flying fish etc, so i could see them in the distance leaping out of the water and coming quickly toward me. the gulls were right behind them, and there was a general energy of extreme tension.

i was the only one in the water and decided to get out, so i started swimming as fast as i could, which took me about 2 minutes to get to shore cause tide was against me and i was far out into the ocean.

just as i see the fish and gulls etc reaching the point where i had just been, a coastguard or baywatch (minus pam and david) helicopter swoops down and is making this scary announcement: “every calmly but quickly get out of the water, there has been shark sightings in the area, every one please get out for your own safety” that was the basic message.

i looked out again and saw three fins and a dark red cloud forming while the fish kept flying and trying to get away. i freaked out, and left. i am now safely in my apartment and i just saw a report about it on the news. you are all lucky that i didn’t become professoredible… yikes.

Links by jozjozjoz, who is very glad professoreric is not professoredible!

Look, I love Sarah Polley. My sister and I have always been fans. She is one of the treats that Canada has given us (we also appreciate: The Kids in the Hall, cold fronts from the north, and a land much like the U.S. except with out as many guns and less garbage, and more healthcare…). Anyway she is in a new remake of Romero’s “Dead” trilogy, specifically “Dawn of The Dead” which looks fabulous! I decided to let my sis know about it. Here are the e-mails that transpired:
Continue reading ‘Concerning Ving Rhames and his many contributions to the world of high art…’

People, people, people! Simmer down. Look, we have to take this one step at a time. I mentioned recently in a joz-urp that if need-be my services could be requisitioned if necessary, for dating services. More correctly, a pre-date for an anticipated-instant-jealousy-induced-date. Well I have talked it over with my lawyers (ok, a friend of mine who was pre-law ‘til he discovered how much more exotic dancing pays) and I have decided, I will not go into business officially. I will, however, take each date/escort proposition on a case-by-case basis. Since I have already had some interest, I will have to start a list. As of now here is the order: 1. azure (we will work on the other date) 2. Shannon (depending on my schedule, I might agree to having you fly me out to Ohio, for your purposes) 3. Meeta (will do our best to make sure the “wonders never cease” as you say.) Everyone else, well, get in line! Each person desiring my services must submit an essay, no longer then 500 words, to help me get a better idea on how to set priority. I cannot accept payment, only gifts and dinner and a show. Remember, I am here to help. Think of me as the Mother Teresa of the Dating World (except I am alive and not an old nun in India.)

You all need to praise the Butter Jesus. Do you not remember he was pasteurized for our sins?

Found at: jesusoftheweek

And more in-depth at: Duffy’s Website

Curious how we came across this Midwestern delight? “Hurl Some More” to hear me tell the short story long…
Continue reading ‘Buttery Jesus’

This is an open letter to Joz concerning our “extended flirtation”,

Joz, darling,

I don’t know what to do about our love. Boss man has already done his best to thwart it by separating us into two different offices, but that couldn’t stop our early morning rendezvous (at least twice a week.). Despite adversity, our love has done nothing but flourish, like the blue flowering chicory of our hearts poking through the tough asphalt of a public that wants nothing more but the demise of our passion. Oh Joz, and as if things couldn’t get any worse for us, suddenly I seem to be coming down with something, not a case of cold feet, broken heart, butterflies in the stomach, or any other ailment possibly found in Milton Bradley’s classic game “Operation”. No, this is some sort of cold, that because I am so sensitive to your health and needs, makes it so that I must put a stop to our Xerox breaks, kissing in front of the copier while the light from the scanner rolls back and forth, back and forth across our star crossed twinkling eyes. I must make an end to our water cooler wet T-shirt contests, and our “Lady and the Tramp” style spaghetti dinners. Am I being clear? Until I am in better health there is not recourse but to put our affair on hiatus. I also apologize to Yoshi who now must spend more time with you and give you the attention that I will not be able to provide at this time, for your well being of course. I hope that all of our friends who come across this open letter, can be there for you in these dire time of need. And to keep your spirits up, here is a list of activities that are still appropriate in our new situation: erotic IM’s, watching each other eat personal pan pizzas (romantically of course), telepathy, appreciation for the color orange, and of course pushing for the write in nomination (only if the recall goes through) for Genevieve Gallen for governor of California.

Oh my sweet moonpie, I hope you find a way to cope ‘til I am back to 100% good health.

Until then, my tiny salted preserved plum,

The (your) professoreric

And here continues the saga of the rhyming couplets:

there would have been one more on friday, but the net was on the fritz (who’s fritz?). Here is a new one.

Roses are red, and my ivy is dead
With all of that said, I am lost in my head

This couplet came to me for my own personal reasons this morning. What does it mean kids? Hmmm… is ivy a plant of a person, or a frog? And are roses even really red?

Hey Joz and pals… As a writer/ poet, (part time that is), i am discouraged that i haven’t had any time to send stuff out to get published as of late. I have decided to start publishing a rhyming couplet, as an exercise, whenever i remember, on the blog, for y’all to decipher. this is just for fun. let’s see where it goes. here’s how it will work. in the morning i will write down the first rhyming couplet that pops in my head. then you guys urp me if you can find a way to justify it. a sentence or paragraph, whatever. it’s just a writing exercise with out purpose. here’s what popped into my head this morning:

the furniture is first to hear
the autumn is stained with beer