jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf... yum!

EWEWEWEWEWEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(commentary from jozjozjoz in footnotes*)

I FUCKING HATE ROACHES*.

we just found and disposed of one. it was the size of montana. no joke*.

joz and i were talking in the living room and she spotted it behind me, sitting (thankfully) on the cardboard wrapper of our new tablecloth (which, incidentally, was on the floor, but that's another story entirely*). she did this quick gasp for air and then a pathetic little whine and pointed at it*. i turned around and nearly passed out*.

i have self-diagnosed entomophobia, although there's nothing abnormal about it. bugs that large are disgusting, dirty, creepy creatures and i get the heebie jeebies just looking at them*. but not trusting that jozjozjoz would actually be able to successfully contain* the enormous, disgusting roach, i took matters into my own hands*.

we divided up the job: i kept a watchful eye over the giant, joz went to find a container* to drop over the bug. after two a few unsuccessful attempts*, she returned with a box that was big enough* to drop over the roach while still staying on that wonderful piece of cardboard*. with smallish cardboard box in hand, we realized that one or both of us would have to get a lot closer to the roach than either of us preferred. with eyes on the roach at all times, we discussed strategy*, thought briefly of using the swiffer to pin down the roach* or even stun it before we dropped the box over it, traded horror stories about how roaches don't die instantly when you spray them* with raid (they scurry around and freak you out before eventually succumbing* to it), and after a good 5 minutes of procrastinating*, i prepared the box*.

i was worried that the flaps wouldn't stay down when i dropped it, so i held all four sides with my fingers and moved closer to the roach*. it sensed my approach as the shadow of the box moved over it, those long antennae rotating around* to feel for danger. i waited for box placement confirmation* from jozjozjoz before dropping the box over the thing*. then i put most of my weight on the box, as if waiting for the roach to somehow build up its strength and lift the box and get away. come on, i've watched MIB.

then jozjozjoz said those fateful words, "now what?"

i hadn't thought that far ahead*. always quick on her feet*, jozjozjoz went for the packing tape and stretch wrap* and taped the box to that piece of cardboard and ensured that the roach could not escape*. then i backed away, leaving it for her to pick up and dispose of it*. it is fascinating how far away one can get from a box while still holding on to it. she went out of the house*, down the steps and out to the dumpster faster than i've ever see her move*, even though she did squeal* a bit when she heard the roach being thrown around inside the box as she moved*.

now as i sit here and retell the tale, i realize that i feel like it's crawling on me*. i'm not going to be able to sleep tonight*. i need a shower*. i need 10 showers*.

off to the store tomorrow to buy roach motels...

[from jozjozjoz: the yoshi keeps saying "I really need a cigarette," but the yoshi is not allowed to smoke.]