February 10, 2004

Moose-tacular

Congrats to Michael (bleh bleh!) on his new job at UTMB. Now that he's started, I can finally share these IMs from a few weeks ago.


Seen on IM on 1/26/04:
him: guess what?
joz: You're buying me a vase from Tiffany?
him: close.
joz: From WalMart?
him: no. i got a call from UTMB... the place I interviewed with. they asked for references
him: :-) yay!
joz: Upper Taiwanese Moose-Training Bureau?
him: University of Texas, Medical Branch
joz: I think you're utterly qualified for the Moose-Training
him: oh am I? how is that?

joz: I heard you took a 10 week course on the subject
him: well, i had signed up for it but i had to drop it at the last minute
him: it turns out i'm highly allergic to mooses
joz: WHAT?! You never followed through with the course?!
him: no, i couldn't
joz: You've been leading me on this whole time?! I'm SHOCKED!
him: i had to be hospitalized just from the pamphlet they sent
joz: The moose dander?
him: must have been
joz: You mean
joz: It MOOSED have been
him: (that was a REALLY bad joke, Joz.)

And if you thought that the IMs couldn't get any worse, you were wrong... there's more...

him: OR
him: it could have been those moose purses I ordered
joz: DOOD... What body part do they make those moose sachets from, anyway?
him: the balls, of course
joz: Moose ball purses?
him: they're really handy, actually
him: because they still have some moose pubes on them
joz: Well, just because you're really handy with your balls doesn't mean you should be the same way with your moose ball purse.
him: and if you're ever out at dinner and feel something stuck in your teeth, you just reach down, pluck one off of your purse and floss.
joz: They're long fuckers, are they?
him: 3" at least. could make a weave from it. LOL
joz: A weave with moose pubes?
him: yup
him: i hear that's what Tina wears now. It's all the rage
joz: Tina Turner turned to touting those?
him: omg yes
him: she's bald
him: so is cher
joz: Which means you're allergic to all of them.
him: yup
joz: Now that they're all wearing moose pubes on their heads
him: yup
joz: OMG, that's tragic. It's a sad, sad day in Gay Boys Who Are Allergic to Moose Land™

And even worse yet, still...

him: altho, i must say
him: moose penis is very nice in a soup
him: lol
him: wait, i thought it was Mooseland
joz: Oops, you're right. I MOOSED have put in an extra space.
him: oh sweet jesus
him: lol
joz: I think you're using sweet jesus in the wrong context here.
him: perhaps
him: I MOOSED have been mistaken
joz: I think 'sweet baby jesus butt plug' would have been the correct way to phrase that
him: more than likely.
him: or how about "jesus chirst on a cross"
joz: If we weren't already sinning up a shitstorm doing other things, we would SO go to hell for our IMs alone.
him: yup

[3/21/2004: Comments closed due to spamming]

Posted by jozjozjoz at February 10, 2004 11:00 AM

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All I Want For Christmas*
Excerpt: ... is a Chia Shrek. *Just kidding. Please, PLEASE do not send me a Chia Shrek. Or a toad purse. Or roo poo. Or a moose ball purse. Yeah, don't be getting any funny ideas, Michael....
Weblog: jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf... yum!
Tracked: December 17, 2004 12:15 PM
All I Want For Christmas*
Excerpt: ... is a Chia Shrek. *Just kidding. Please, PLEASE do not send me a Chia Shrek. Or a toad purse. Or roo poo. Or a moose ball purse. Yeah, don't be getting any funny ideas, Michael....
Weblog: jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf... yum!
Tracked: December 17, 2004 12:20 PM
All I Want For Christmas...
Excerpt: ... is a Chia Shrek*. *Just kidding. Please, PLEASE do not send me a Chia Shrek. Or a toad purse. Or roo poo. Or a moose ball purse. Yeah, don't be getting any funny ideas, Michael....
Weblog: jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf... yum!
Tracked: December 17, 2004 12:32 PM
All I Want For Christmas...
Excerpt: ... is a Chia Shrek*. *Just kidding. Please, PLEASE do not send me a Chia Shrek. Or a toad purse. Or roo poo. Or a moose ball purse. Yeah, don't be getting any funny ideas, Michael. Happy only-kind-of-belated birthday!...
Weblog: jozjozjoz.com :: brain barf... yum!
Tracked: December 17, 2004 12:41 PM

Comments

that is just too damned funny!! lol...:D

Posted by: lilly at February 10, 2004 11:39 AM

I don't know, it's Moosed that been IS pretty funny...heh.

Posted by: fran at February 10, 2004 11:51 AM

HEHEHE! Sure hope I don't have to explain why I am cracking up here!

Posted by: ann at February 10, 2004 11:57 AM

Mooooose. Moose are cool. Stupid, but cool.

Posted by: Pie at February 10, 2004 12:30 PM

He seems MOOSED excited about getting the new job!! You MOOSED tell us more, ::jozjozjoz::!!

Posted by: keith at February 10, 2004 02:28 PM

FYI...the plural for "moose" is..."moose", eh?

Posted by: Mikey2 at February 11, 2004 12:07 PM

Mikey2, you are right.

But "mooses" sounds funnier.

Posted by: :: jozjozjoz :: at February 11, 2004 01:29 PM

oh my! TOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: HottTxBoi at February 11, 2004 11:24 PM