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11 Responses to “Frustration”

1. 1 Seth
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 12:45 pm

   I got one for ya Joz!

   Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven. Don’t step on the ducks!” So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man.” The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The woman remarks, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?” The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

2. 2 hip momma
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 12:50 pm

   A doctor at an (insane) asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

   As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!”

   And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down nuts!” And they all sat.

   After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke INTO applause and cheers.

   Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

   When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

   The assistant replied, “Well…everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, “PEANUTS!”

3. 3 Deltus
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 1:06 pm

   A man is driving by a mental hospital when he blows out a tire. He gets out, starts swearing, but stops when he sees a guy in a bathrobe, sitting right near the fence, petting an imaginay dog. He doesn’t want to be unseemly in front of an obviously disturbed person. So anyway, he goes about taking the nuts off the popped tire, and puts the nuts on the curb while he gets out the spare. Well, the popped tire falls over, and knocks the nuts into a nearby sewer drain. The man starts swearing a blue streak, since now he has no nuts with which to attach the spare to his car. The crazy man in the bathrobe puts down the imaginary dog, and steps up to the fence, and loudly says to the man, “Hey! Just take one nut from each of the other 3 good tires, and you’ll have enough to put the spare on. It’s not an ideal solution, but at least it’ll get you into town where you can get a new tire and replacement nuts.” The man stares at the crazy guy for a minute, and then says, “Wow, what a great idea!” “Thanks,” says the crazy guy. The man follows the directions, and gets the spare attached, then he turns to the crazy guy who is again sitting down and petting his imaginary dog, and says, “You know, that was a most lucid idea. I find it hard to believe you’re in there.”

   And the crazy guy shrugs, and says, “Hey, I’m crazy, not stupid.”

4. 4 Koganuts
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 1:20 pm

   Here’s my favorite one:

   What’s a musician without a girlfriend?

   Homeless!

   ^_^

5. 5 fran
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 1:47 pm

   here are a few yo-momma jokes you can use:

   Your momma is so stupid . . .

   She puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

   Your momma is so stupid . . .

   She took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

   Your momma is so old . . .

   The date on her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.

   Your momma is so old . . .

   When she went to school there was no history class!

   they’re lame, i know…

6. 6 :: jozjozjoz ::
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 3:26 pm

   Thanks for the jokes!

   They ended up making me smile!

   Yay!

7. 7 stkyrice
   Oct 13th, 2004 at 5:27 pm

   Ok, this isn’t actually a joke as it is a really bad pun (all the Tagalog-speaking Filipinos will get it, but I’ll translate).

   So one of my friends was telling me about this new outreach program he’s designing in Tagalog called “Huwak Mo Ang Susi,” or “You Hold the Key”.

   Immediately, we start hearing guffaws from our Tagalog-speaking friends who say, “Susi? Not Susu?”

   Being the Tagalog-illiterate that I am, I look it up in a dictionary.

   Susu means breasts.

   Ok, bad joke…I’ll go crawl into my hole now.

8. 8 keith
   Oct 14th, 2004 at 8:24 am

   A nine year old boy asks his mother, “Is God male or female?”
   After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, “Well God is both male and female.”
   This confuses the boy, so he asks, “Is God black or white?”
   “Well,” she says, “God is both black and white.”
   This really confuses the boy, so he asks, “Is God gay or straight?”
   Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, “Honey, God is both gay and straight.”
   At this the boy’s face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks…
   .
   .
   .
   “Is Michael Jackson God?”

9. 9 Enigma
   Oct 14th, 2004 at 1:09 pm

   What do pizza delivery guys and gynecologists have in common?

   They can both smell it, but they can’t taste it.

1. 1 Unraveling the Enigma...sorta
   Trackback on Oct 14th, 2004 at 1:11 pm
2. 2 Not Me
   Trackback on Oct 15th, 2004 at 6:15 am

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