Monthly Archive for July, 2004

In typical Joz fashion…

… I ended up staying up another hour last night, getting a grand total of 1 hour of “sleep” before hitting the road.

When the alarm went off at 4:45am, I actually still felt pretty wide-awake and since Yoshi was in no condition to drive, I ended up making the entire 5 hour drive up north.

We departed at 5:07am and it took us almost exactly 5 hours to arrive, but that was including one gas/potty break and also a brief stop at a gas station when I had to kill a spider in the car. For the record, I was driving (near the Grapevine) and I saw a small spider crawling down the front windshield. Seeing that the wipers didn’t rid of it, I realized it was INSIDE the car and I got an instant case of the heebie-jeebies. I could have sworn I felt the windshield spider (or one of its cohorts) crawling up my leg, up my arm, and into my shirt.

I began to freak out and woke up a very sleepy and groggy Yoshi, who did not see it and probably thought I was going to drive off the road out of sheer panic over an imaginary spider. When I safely got off the freeway and into a rest stop, I opened the door, jumped out and danced around making sure any spiders (real or imagined) would fall off. Then I tried (unsuccessfully) to find and kill the real spider, which by now had hidden itself in the crack between the dashboard and windshield. I threatened to stay in the rest stop to kill the spider before continuing the drive, but I could tell that Yoshi was ready to unleash an entire colony of spiders (ok, I know spiders don’t live in colonies, but you get my point) on my head if I didn’t just buck up and keep driving.

So I did. An the instant the car went into motion, the spider showed its creepy little self back on the windshield. I pulled over, but my fingers were too big to get to it. I grabbed a napkin and a pen in a valiant effort to kill it so I could keep driving… but it went back into hiding and I never saw it again.

Of course, I’m sure that didn’t stop it from sending me its evil little spider voodoo because I was itchy for the rest of the trip up. Damn arachnid.

For the record, I would have gotten us up faster than five hours (regardless of the spider delay) but there was traffic due to several oversized trucks carrying giant boats up the 2 laned interstate highway. And we could’ve saved even more time if the gas/potty break didn’t also include a stop at the mini-mart to buy a can of Sugar Free Red Bull (they don’t sell Diet Rockstar) and a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper (wasn’t in the mood for Diet Coke).

My inner speed demon was good this morning. And I know there was no black ice to worry about.

Why do I do this to myself?

In approximately 2.5 hours, Yoshi and I are supposed to walk out the door and depart on a road trip up north to attend a wedding.

Have I mentioned that I still haven’t slept yet and have a TON of stuff to do before leaving for the weekend?

This is almost as bad as the (approx) 36 continuous hours I stayed up the days before we got on the plane to Montreal.

I’m actually almost too embarrassed to blog this (aka Joz Smokes Pot)

I figured I should just blog it now before someone else heard the story and exaggerated it and somehow it became THE GOSSIP OF THE YEAR!!!

Earlier today, I decided I needed to boil some water so I put a small pot of water on the still fairly new and clean stove. And then the phone rang and I got caught up in a series of various phone calls back at my desk in the other room.

Around 45 minutes later, as I’m just starting a phone call with someone else, I smell a horrendous chemical-like burning smell. I THOUGHT it was coming into our house through my office window, but in actuality, it was coming from the other room… our kitchen.

EEEK!!! I ran back into to the kitchen to see smoke coming off the VERY VERY VERY HOT pot, turned the stove off, grabbed a potholder, and dunked the pot into some water in the sink. It was STINK-Y. I thought I was going to gag and pass out from the toxic smell of burning pot (that’s pot as in pots and pans, not marijuana pot, which incidentally, I am allergic to and would also probably make me pass out).

I opened all the windows and turned on all the fans, hoping the disgusting burning pot smell would go away. Actually, I left the house to run errands for an hour or so.

But the smell was still there (not as severe) when I got home. And I had guests coming over. Luckily, by that time, it was just a lingering odor that you could kind of get used to, but I could still smell it pretty strongly. I figured out hours later this was because the smell had been completely absorbed by my hair. Ick.

I told T the story of what had happened, and she was very sympathetic because she claimed that she once had a similar episode with a spatula on a frying pan. She even stood up for me when we were at a party later in the night and Yoshi was trying to figure out what my “kitchen mishap” was.

Yoshi kept saying: “You burned WATER?! How could you burn WATER?” and T stood up for me and said, “She didn’t burn water. Water evaporates. She burned the pot.” Yeah! Besides, except for the stink and the messed up pot, no one got hurt and nothing burned down.

Regardless, I never thought it was possible to screw up boiling water.

But I must be extremely talented.

What to do Friday night.


You may have heard some buzz about the movie Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle starring John Cho (the guy from American Pie 1&2) and Kal Penn (Kalpen Modi, the guy from Van Wilder). It’s set in New Jersey, and it’s about two guys who get the munchies and their adventures as set off for White Castle.

Ebert and Roeper give it “two thumbs up. I had a few chances to see it in various advance screenings, and also when it was at the L.A. Film Festival, but I kept missing them. I was lucky enough to finally see it last night at a pre-screening event at the WB lot. I didn’t think that I’d find a slapstick/gross-out/stoner comedy funny, but I actually found it to be pretty clever and well-written.

Of course, I will admit I am biased because I am within one degree each of John Cho (yes, this John Cho) & Kal Penn, but regardless, if you are looking to watch a comedy this weekend, take a shot at (check their xanga sites).

And of course, if you’re in L.A., you can check out the temporary White Castle on Sunset Boulevard which is giving out 1 free burger per person, per day until August 11 to promote the movie.

P.S. – I have some Harold and Kumar freebies, if anyone is interested…
P.P.S. – You can win your own private screening by entering the Harold & Kumar Look-alike Contest, check the Harold & Kumar xanga sites for more details!

What to do Friday night.

You may have heard some buzz about the movie “Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle” starring John Cho (the guy from American Pie 1&2) and Kal Penn (Kalpen Modi, the guy from Van Wilder). It’s set in New Jersey, and it’s about two guys who get the munchies and their adventures as set off for White Castle.

Ebert and Roeper give it “two thumbs up.” I had a few chances to see it in various advance screenings, and also when it was at the L.A. Film Festival, but I kept missing them. I was lucky enough to finally see it last night at a pre-screening event at the WB lot. I didn’t think that I’d find a slapstick/gross-out/stoner comedy funny, but I actually found it to be pretty clever and well-written.

Of course, I will admit I am biased because I am within two degrees each of John Cho (yes, this John Cho) & Kal Penn, but regardless, if you are looking to watch a comedy this weekend, take a shot at Harold & Kumar (check their xanga sites).

And of course, if you’re in L.A., you can check out the temporary White Castle on Sunset Boulevard which is giving out 1 free burger per person, per day until August 11 to promote the movie.

P.S. – I have some Harold and Kumar freebies, if anyone is interested…
P.P.S. – You can win your own private screening by entering the Harold & Kumar Look-alike Contest, check the Harold & Kumar xanga sites for more details!

I should clarify…

…my camera is not COMPLETELY broken. It still works, it’s just kind of broken and I am afraid to use it now.

:(

But for Nez, I will post some Montreal pictures up… I didn’t drop my camera until close to the end of the trip.

My camera loved the streets in Old Montreal.

I guess my camera loved the streets in Old Montreal so much that it flung itself against the cobblestone ones by the water.

Really, that’s exactly what happened.

Ok, maybe I might have accidentally dropped my camera HARD on the cobblestone streets. And maybe the dent in the side of the camera could have been because of the HARD fall. And just because my camera cover doesn’t close right now DOESN’T mean that I broke it when I might have accidentally dropped it.

*sniffle*

Tell me a story…

…nothing scary or gory, please.

Thanks.

I am not an anti anti-toothpaste-ite

Er. In other words, I don’t discriminate against people who don’t use toothpaste.

Mike Doss points out:

“Some people don’t use toothpaste, they use baking soda…so people who don’t say “today” might not be dirty-mouths…

There’s also some people who believe that toothpaste is just a corporate scam, and as long as you brush your teeth at all (with just the toothbrush), and floss, you’re doing just fine.”

Ok, point taken. But is there anyone in my circle of friends who uses baking soda to clean their teeth? Anyone? Bueller?

And I understand being all “anti-corporate” about things like marketing products for women at twice the price for the same exact product for men but with different packaging… but I think someone who is against toothpaste but FOR toothbrushes and/or floss might be a tad hypocritical. Really, if there is a bigger scam than toothpaste (if it’s even a scam at all), it is floss. Floss is basically just minty (or even un-minty!) string/thread rolled up in a snazzy plastic dispenser marked up 2045%! Gimme a break!

Anyway, if you haven’t used toothpaste within a day, you can still be my friend. I just still don’t want you to speak to me TO MY FACE. Call me on the phone, yell at me from across the room, write me emails/IMs, or send smoke signals… just don’t share your halitosis with me, thankyouverymuch.

*smiles sweetly, showing off my freshly brushed/flossed teeth. need i say that I DID use toothpaste?*

Stupid survey questions

I received a survey about toothpaste in the mail and here is a sampling of some of the stupid questions that are asked. Even scarier are the answer options they give…

1) Please think about the last time you, yourself used toothpaste. Please “X” the last time you, yourself used toothpaste.
Choices: Today, Yesterday, 2 days ago, 3 days ago, 4 days ago, 5 days ago, 6+ days ago, Never.

If you don’t answer “today,” please don’t speak to me. Ever.

The survey then goes on to say:

Think about the last time you used toothpaste. This will be called your KEY TOOTHPASTE SITUATION. We will be asking you a number of questions about your KEY TOOTHPASTE SITUATION in this questionnaire.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t have enough “situations” with toothpaste to have a “KEY TOOTHPASTE SITUATION” (all caps). I use toothpaste several times a day to maintain decent oral hygiene. It is so much a part of my day that I don’t even think about it.

Unfortunately, I know that this isn’t the case for some people, but really, should one’s experiences with toothpaste be so rare that you can have and remember toothpaste situations at all?

OTTAWA!

I didn’t quite make it to Ottawa, but in honor of ProfessorEric (& his former roommate Anj), I bring to you:

(To be sung at the top of your lungs to the chorus of “Pump Up the Jam“)
OTTAWA: the place to stay:
“get your booty on the floor tonight”
make my day
OTTAWA: the place to stay:
“get your booty on the floor tonight”
make my day

I think the Ottawa Tourism and Convention Authority should pay us a commission for all the advertising we’ve been doing. And for the kickass advertising campaign and theme song…

(Your submissions for additional verses are welcome…)

Maison Sweet Maison

More than a week in Montreal and barely any French has stuck.

I didn’t really even try to learn/use any French while I was there (what an Ugly American, I know).

But we are home and although I’m not looking forward to returning to reality, I am glad to be back in L.A. where the heat is dry (and not humid). And where I can actually read the street signs, too.

Now to de-spam the blog…

My big ones for your little ones….

Yes, I have large breasts. Not excessively huge, but big, nonetheless. “A fine rack,” you may say. “Big hooters.” “Baywatch material.” “Nicely stacked.” “Melons.” “Lovely grapefruits.” Or my favorite, “TORPEDOES!” Feh.

The fact is, I hate them. Loathe and detest. Despise. I want them off my body and gone! Not only do they give me backaches, but I can’t sleep on my stomach. I find it hard to kiss my partner, as there’s always this “mass” between us. Sex is a bitch. I can no longer jog. I’m afraid that when I run, they’ll bounce so much that I’ll end up with two black eyes! I have a hard time buttoning shirts, since those two buttons at chest-level are stretched tight and constantly break off and the rest are loose. I often find leftovers lingering there. And odd things, like leaves and Post-It notes.

Yeah, you’re probably laughing at this point, but it’s really NOT FUNNY! (Well, not unless you laugh at the fact that I actually have a T-shirt that my left nipple has *rubbed a hole in* — not unlike the way guys pumice their jeans to make their dick look bigger and burlier, like it actually wore through their trousers and is about to chase you down the street). I’m not talking a white, faded spot, though; I’m talking an *actual* HOLE in my T-shirt! You know, so my nipple can look out and see the world (and perhaps chase you down the street), thus mocking me even more.)

Guys, how would you like to have balls so big that you couldn’t lay on your stomach or see your shoes when standing? Or jog? Or hug someone without them jutting into the other person, forcing you to lean over or else stand several inches away. Wait, stupid question, why did I ask? Forget I said that.

Girls with small(er) breasts, you don’t know how lucky you are! Why in the hell would you want to *increase* the size of them?!? Especially with some gelatinous unknown substance in a plastic baggie, blech! Wait, stupid question. Forget I said that. But that’s the reason I’m here!

I want to trade my large breasts for your smaller ones! Mine are pasty white, and I don’t really care what color yours are, as long as they’re comfortable and I can sleep face-down… and play sports again. No reasonable offer refused.

Professor’s NE Tour: part II

Second time in the Seattle Library before we leave to go camping on Mt. Reinier tonight. I forgot to mention yesterday the wonderful stay with my lovely sister MissBrookline. She loved our company, but I am sure was happy we left. We are indeed a handful if not a bushel.

As you were underground, we were underground too Joz. We went to the underground tour of Seattle, which was so wicked cool. Basically due to a fire and tons of sewage problems they just filled in downtown on top of old buildings and rebuilt above it at the beginning of the last century. (dates not shown to scale). Anyone in Seattle must do this! We went into some of the old buildings and walked underneath the sidewalk on the old sidewalks just feet below.

Last night we ate amazing falafel, and decided that after our night wanderings we would return to this place and get beers and Hookah. As promised we killed three beers each and smoked two large hookahs to death. It was very late when we finally decided to search for a place to stay, eventually finding the suburban Seattle’s equivalent to the Bates Hotel from Psycho. Actually it was sleazier then that, it was more like the Master Bates Hotel… Sorry, but it’s kinda true.

Oh there will be pictures from this trip. There will be tons of them. Any requests? What do you all want to see from my trip? I will do my best to provide them at a later date.

Back soon.-professoreric

p.s. As a wise man once said, “Ottawa’s the place to stay, get you body on the floor tonight!”

At an internet cafe

With only 5 minutes left on my internet card, we’ve been wandering the Underground City until we found another place for me to get my internet fix.

Thank goodness for the Van Houtte Cafe where we could get on for only $2.50 (CAN) for 30 minutes (as opposed to the stupid little internet booths which was $2.00 (CAN) for 10 minutes, and 20 cents per minute thereafter. And those keyboards sucked ass. But I was able to do what I really needed to and now we are resting from our trek in the underground maze.

Funny how “resting” means logging on for me. But my feet feel better now.

Thanks to all the guest bloggers who have been filling in while I’m melting in the heat and humidity of the fine city of Montreal.

Til next time…

P.S. – To ProfessorEric. I got your text message… I was within mere kilometers of OTTAWA yesterday!!!

Drooling at the sight of every internet cafe in Montreal

It has been a week (almost!) since I last logged on.

I was getting the shakes.

So sad am I.

Logging on from a public internet terminal at the end of a mall in the Underground City. Sounds so mysterious, I know, but really we’re just lookin for some air-conditioned spaces to hang out in.

Be back soon!

Where in the North West is The Prof?

Well currently in Seattle, WA, which is awsome by the way. We have been schlepping about the national parks and have been camping and hiking and visiting all of our furry little creature friends. Here is a short list of animals we have encountered (as in very closly): Bears, deer, marmots, elk, moose, seals, sea lions, starfish, hawks, gulls, cayotes, and oh so many more. We have slept in the rain and in the fog, on the beach and in the backyard of some very nice strangers. we have slept next to rivers and under boulders, and had a ton of fun. we have found the best little thrift stores and the best falafel in small towns. we were suprised on the latter as well. now we are in the seattle public library which is incredible. more to come later maybe. Joz. please spell check for me. i have to more minutes. this trip RAWKS! love, -professoreric

And now back to our regularly scheduled program

I don’t know why the blog disappeared for awhile, but thank goodness it’s back. Joz would kill me if it disappeared!

Guess the song

Heaven must be missin’ an angel
Missin’ one angel, child, ’cause you’re here with me right now
Your love is heavenly, baby
Heavenly to me, baby
Continue reading ‘Guess the song’

kinkoman story continued

And you thought the story ended there? Well, it was just the tip of the iceberg. So lets just flashback to the end of 1995…
Continue reading ‘kinkoman story continued’

Waste of Time

You will now be spending the next hour or so playing this. The instructions are in German, but basically you use the arrow keys to move the ball around (like Marble Madness) and the C key to “brake”.

That ought to hold you until the great Joz returns.

(Brought to you from her boyfriend2, Mikey2)

kinkoman blog

Let me take you back…wayyyy back to a time when I was still looking for my significant other. The days of Manila Nights and the time when being single really was all that there was for me.
Continue reading ‘kinkoman blog’

Arrrgh!

Dis-gus-ting!

A few weeks ago, Yoshi’s mom brought down a suitcase for us to borrow.

Yoshi just opened up a pocket and found two pairs of somebody’s dirty chones inside, and we are pretty sure they do not belong to either Yoshi’s Mom or Dad.

I don’t know who else Yoshi’s mom lent this luggage to, but I don’t think I want to know.

56 More Reasons of Why I Love Yoshi!

It’s a known fact that I have a thing for pens. Especially nice pens which write smoothly and come in a variety of colors and styles.

But I basically love writing utensils in general and have amassed large quantities of them to the point that I have been specifically banned from purchasing/bringing home any new ones.

Supposedly I have enough to “last a lifetime… and then some…”

Anyway, today I had a yucky time at Costco because I went to pick up some photos and they weren’t in the bin where they were supposed to be. They were also not in the bin under the letters A, P, E, F, G, H, R, S, T, or L. Since I gave up film, I haven’t had much opportunity to develop photos at Costco, but now I remember why I hate leaving things to be developed there. The nice guys at Costco were able to run the envelope # and know that the photos had not been paid for by someone else (which is what happened the last time I developed photos at Costco) and were somewhere in the bins. Needless to say, it took quite a while to go through all those letters. I ended up giving up and was very dejected.

That is, until I walked by the stationery section and saw this:

I called Yoshi and asked if I could pretty please buy a new set of gel pens (which came in their own metal carrying case) and with a little bit of charm (whining), Yoshi was nice enough to let me come home with them.

It certainly made my day!

Wheeeee!

Starting this weekend, I shall be quiet.

Who will stand in for me and be “not quiet?”




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