jozjozjoz.com

(You know who you are.)

Hi! It was nice talking to you!

… to the “Up for Grabs” list.

My thoughts are with Rick and his family & I encourage folks to read the Waistdog archives to learn more about the guy so many loved & continue to love.

There’s nothing I could say that would do Rick justice. Those who knew him better than I must feel the loss even more acutely than I do. Read their words, as their’s are infinitely more eloquent than mine.

Here is a screenshot of what Meeta’s blog header looks like when I open it on one of my computers.

You can see very clearly that Meeta is inviting everyone to the “Sca Depths of [her] Bra.” And look, there’s even a little pop-up hint when you mouseover the cute cartoon chick that says “welcome,” right on her left boob! (You gotta admit, it’s better than a big ass coffee stain).

Now I don’t know what exactly it means to have a “sca bra,” but I guess you’ll have to check it out to see. Hee!

[Props to my personality twin & for the fabulously MIA Gingersmack who made the awesome header!]

Please. Stop. Sawing. Those. Metal. Pipes. With. Metal. Saws. Now. Please.

On a happier note, I get a haircut tonight. (Peter, not from Aubrey this time, but from my friend who works at Jose Eber.)

Shortly after writing about Rocky splattered all over our street, I ventured out again & as I was driving toward the freeway, I noticed people slowing down & pointing and staring to the left.

I shouldn’t have been a looky-loo driver because what I saw was a smashed (and I don’t mean one-too-many-cosmos-smashed) possum lying in the middle of the street with all its guts hanging out on the pavement.

Since I didn’t get and sympathy from Yoshi, I thought I’d call Mikey2, who was no better because he started saying stuff like, “Mmmmmmmmmm! Lunch!”

Forget Atkins, South Beach, Weight Watchers, or Jenny Craig. I think the Roadkill Diet is the way to go.

Whenever you get hungry, think of roadkill… of rodent guts, doused in blood and fur, freshly displayed on an asphalt (plate), garnished with a dash of tread. And if you’re lucky enough for it to be a wonderfully warm L.A. day, you get the extra treat of a critter slightly browned to a crisp.

Try it for yourself. I, for one, can vouch that this diet has been extremely effective for the past 12 hours. (Don’t forget to consult your doctor before beginning any new weight loss routine.)

UPDATE: 1/30/2006: I had to close the comments due to massive spamming on this entry. Thanks a lot, spammers!

dad called this morning and left me a message at 7:35 l.a. time that he was getting on the plane.

(i don’t know why i’ve been typing sans shift key.)

6:00pm…

Hurrrrrrrrrry up!

BossMan greeted me this morning with a cheerful “Good Morning” followed with:

“Aren’t you gratified to know you still have hair on your head, regardless of what happened in your dreams?”

Um… yeah.

(What kind of freaky-ass dreams are you talking about?!)

Hooray for McDonald’s and their stellar advertising campaign and corresponding website i-am-asian.com!

I wouldn’t know how to identify wit’ my bad asian self if it wasn’t for this spiffy website with cheeky asian people (and a pug!) looking happy and eating fried foods. I’m glad they’ve decided to include images I can truly identify with, such as random asian guys eating McD’s after doing a lion dance and asian girls in pigtails playing with sparklers in front of a McD’s sign.

Unfortunately, they got it all wrong with that pug, because we all know that asian people eat dogs. Maybe if they’d put some soy sauce on the pug and put him on a bowl of rice, next to some chopsticks, it wouldn’t have taken me so long to figure out that the pug is just showin’ his aZn PrYdE! Where’s *my* shirt, dammit?!

Regardless, because now that Mickey D’s has valdiated my self-worth, I am able to stand up alongside my peeps in saying “I AM ASIAN!” (that is if McDonald’s doesn’t mind me using their trademarked phrase) and express my deep appreciation and gratitude that McDonald’s has captured what being asian really means on the homepage:

We’re Asian and Pacific Islander Americans “living on the rim,” where our diverse cultures and the everyday American lifestyle become one. We’re hanging on to our great traditions while we move to the beat of the times. We honor our heritage - but we love being Americans. From high fashion to high tech, from Asian Pacific American hip hop to haute cuisine, we’re weaving the threads of our culture into the fabric of everyday American life. Whether we’re sipping green tea or enjoying a Big Mac® sandwich, we’re helping make the magic mix called America become even richer. And McDonald’s is right there with us, everyday!

Thank goodness “McDonald’s respects the diversity and celebrates the unique cultural heritage of the Asian and Pacific Islander American community.” After all, the secret to being a good asian is knowing how to celebrate holidays. How have I survived this long without realizing this? It took McD’s i-am-asian to point it out to me. Hallelujah! Praise Buddah, Confucius, and Bruce Lee!

As Americans with Asian and Pacific Islander heritage, we have many things in common. But we are very different too. We’re from different countries, and celebrate different holidays and customs throughout the year. For example, some of us observe the Lunar New Year, while others observe the Western New Year on January 1st. And even those of us who celebrate the Lunar New Year will have different ways of celebrating it… See for yourself what holidays Asian and Pacific Islander Americans celebrate.

Now I gotta find the nearest Golden Arches (like any happy asian should and would after visiting the site).

I won’t forget to order my Big Mac® while going through the drive-thru in my rice racer cyber green vw beetle (with my feet sticking out the window, of course) as I grab a bite to eat before rushing off to my tae-kwon-do lessons. Oh, and I have to remember to stop by the dry cleaner because I spilled some Special Sauce on my kimono and my mother’s ancient Chinese stain remover didn’t work. Thank goodness it wasn’t the sriracha sauce or chutney I had on my burger, which would’ve been really hard to get out.

That’s what I get for trying to sing the Asian National Anthem™ while trying to eat at the same time.

(Seen also at boingboing, modesty verve, dirtynerdluv, daemon, muchosucko, el30 (in japanese), everdred, blinger, keywords, ronniedelcarmen, speakeasy, squoogy, 50cups, mister pants, destroy all monsters, hegemonyrules)

(Well, my nightmares, anyway.)

BIG GIANT SNAILS! I thought I wasn’t afraid of snails, but I’ve changed my mind.

I can see the headlines now…

“I got meningitis from the mucous trails of a giant snail!”

Great. I’ve got the heebie jeebies. It’s better than being in a funk.

UPDATE: WHY did I go and read this?

Warning: Giant African Land Snails are illegal in the US and many other countries due to their potential as a devastating invasive species. While they are legal pets in a few places, under no circumstances should they be kept as pets where illegal to do so, and they should also never be released into the wild. They are also prolific breeders so if you have more than one you also need to be extremely careful about disposing of the numerous eggs produced.

•Giant African land snails are hemraphrodites, meaining they possess both the female and male reproductive organs. Two snails are still needed for breeding, but they are very prolific breeders. A fulica can reprtedly lay 1200 eggs per year.

•In Africa, giant land snails are used as a food source.

Also, the acronym for Giant African Land Snails = GALS. I don’t know any gals that look that scary.

Thanks to Mike Doss for the link in the first place, damn you.