Playgrounds: the training grounds for Terrorists!

One reason I have disappeared is because I have a job that pays me overtime, and I get a lot of it. Recently I have been able to stay in my office and catch up on some things; this also gives me a chance to catch about 15 hours a day of CNN. I have noticed, and you may have as well, that whenever they start talking about those club-meds of the “terrorist” world, “the training camps” they always show pictures of the T.I.T.’s (terrorists in training) climbing on monkey bars. I mean it really is in almost every story about it, and it is usually different stock footage.

This leads me to two major conclusions:
(click below to read them…)

1. Either the main concerns with the modern day terrorist training school is upper body strength (or possible it is the T.I.T.’s commanders way of breaking them and making them feel foolish.)

2. Or, all of our government offices, and secret and important government facilities, have a ridiculous amount of monkey bars installed all around the sensitive areas. Therefore, anyone thinking of infiltrating there would need good experience in monkey bar training.

I wanted to check this second theory out, so I called up an old friend that now works at an important building in Washington. For his protection let’s call this building the “Hexagon”. Well this contact, for history’s sake let us call him “Deep Throat”, had a lot to tell me.

According to my long-necked friend, there are indeed tons of monkey bars in sensitive areas of government offices. However, in any of the nuclear facilities they do not use monkey bars, but rather an elaborate system of Slip-N-Slides. This explains why none of these “terrorists” have been able to get their hands on our nuclear secret. There has yet to be footage or proof of any of these T.I.T. camps implementing a Slip-N-Slide gym program. He did tell me that there were a few charter T.I.T. schools popping up, with different philosophies then the traditional, with programs in Slip-N-Slide and Sit-N-Spin which are becoming more common as security methods in our government offices.

So we must take action and guard our playgrounds, and backyards, as they are the true training grounds for these so-called “terrorists.”

Or we could focus our attention to more pressing issues, like putting a stop to all of those fake Arthur Joneses. (You should buy a shirt from him too, they are great. I have two of them.)

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5 Responses to “Playgrounds: the training grounds for Terrorists!”

  • ProfessorEric,

    You’ve done it again! Thank you for revealing the truth about Terrorist In Training System™ (TITS). Props to your Awfully Sophisticated System™ (ASS) of bringing out the truth.

    Our playgrounds are indeed the new breeding grounds for TITS, and ASS must win out to secure our neighborhoods.

    Remember, the way to win the war on terror is to use ASS, starting in your own backyard.

  • This post made me laugh so hard that a little pee came out.

  • With all this talk about TITS and ASS, it makes me wonder how all this Discussion in Combatting Kiddie-Terrorists (DICK) will come in handy in fighting TITS through Joz’s ASS.

  • See, this is why it is so important to bring up issues like this. it brings about intelligent discussion and tons of great acronyms. thanks for all of your additional insight.

  • Also, make sure that DICK doesn’t get inside that other group, Potentially Using Subterranean Subway Youth, or all hell with break loose. You know that DICK is always trying to get into PUSSY anyway, but hopefully the ASS will stop it.

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