Monthly Archive for July, 2003

I’m not the only one who wishes it was Friday.

me (10:12:19 AM): How are you?
him (10:12:31 AM): I totally thought it was friday and came in in jeans
him (10:12:46 AM): I think I’m going to go home and change
me (10:12:50 AM): LOL. Seriously?
him (10:12:56 AM): Yep
me (10:12:57 AM): You’re going to change?
him (10:13:05 AM): Dude, I dressed like a skater
me (10:16:12 AM): Dude, saying ‘dude’ only makes it worse!
him (10:59:23 AM): gnarly

Recalls Are for Cars, Not California Governors

Bill Maher. Love him, hate him. Recall Davis, or not. This is a well-written and amusing article. More about the candidates for Governor soon… -jozjozjoz

Recalls Are for Cars, Not California Governors
By Bill Maher

LOS ANGELES TIMES
Commentary
Thursday, July 24, 2003

New rule: No do-overs. Once you elect an official, unless he runs off with public funds or gets caught with kiddie porn, you’re stuck with him.

He’s the governor, not some dude you married in Vegas.

What’s going on here in California, if you’re lucky enough to not have been following this, is that the economy turned, so we’re getting rid of the governor. But what if we drive him out of office and the economy still doesn’t get better? I guess we’ll have to burn him. And if that doesn’t work, we’ll kill his dog.

Yes, in baseball when the team stinks, you fire the manager. But you don’t fire him because it rains. And you don’t let the opposing team choose a new manager for you.

And you don’t fire him between innings. And replace him with a Viennese weightlifter.
Continue reading ‘Recalls Are for Cars, Not California Governors’

Can the Turkey Industry sue for bad publicity?

Excerpted from a Reuters article on CNN.com about the Bennifer (or Affpez) movie ‘Gigli’:

Among its biggest problems is a love scene in which Lopez spreads her legs and tells a smoldering Affleck, “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble.”

I swear, I don’t think I ever want to eat turkey again. And it gives a whole new meaning to “turkey dog.” Blecch.

UPDATE:
Reviews from FoxNews.com, PageSix.com, and MegaStar in the UK.

All mention the infamous “Gobble. Gobble” line. Ew. Ew. Ew!

UPDATE #2: Don’t forget the whole business about the airbrushing of the movie poster. Jane has the goods.

Forget Friendster…

…screw Fiendster

STD-ster is the online community that connects people through networks of sexual partners for tracking STD contraction.

You can use STD-ster to:
-Meet new people to infect, through your friends and their friends
-Figure out where that awful rash came from
-Motivate yourself to practice abstinence rather than just keep talking about it.

Sign up now!

(via OutOutBlogger, who somehow always finds the sickest best stuff on the web)

No bonding with the plants.

Ah shit, I missed it.

Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day was July 27, and I missed it. What a neglectful plant mom I am.

And it’s an important day for your plants “because your houseplants will become healthier from knowing their environment, [since you] thereby provid[e] them with a sense of knowing, bringing on wellness.”

When I look at the Lucky Bamboo, I feel so guilty, knowing that I was not kind enough to take it for a walk on Sunday. Bad plant mom. Bad!

Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen’s marriage won’t last.

good god! that marriage won’t last long. why? Here’s the top ten reasons……

Number 10… she’s doing it to get her name out and get famous (she’s already been on jozjozjoz.com)
Number 9… vern may be a really nice guy, but he can’t even get his arms around the woman, and hey, women like to be held and cuddled.
Number 8… so he may not be small “everywhere” but come on, really – it’s gotta be no bigger than one twix bar, so he better be good with those little fingers!
Number 7… she’ll get tired of carrying him around in one of those kiddie backpacks when he gets tired
Number 6… he’s not tall enough to go on the rides at amusement parks
Number 5… she’ll get sick of people saying, what a cute little boy you have, when she hasn’t given childbirth yet….
Number 4… mrs. mini me?
Number 3… tired of ordering a high chair at fancy restaurants
Number 2… who marries guys named vern?

and the top reason why the marrige won’t last very long……
Number 1… she’ll get tired of scooting down the red carpet on her ass!!

8/7/2003 UPDATE by jozjozjoz:
Sharky & I have confirmed that jozjozjoz.com has indeed been visited by THE Genevieve Gallen (see comment/urps). We thank her for her willingness to answer questions and for being so nice in her correspondence with us. She has been such a good sport! We wish her & Verne happiness in their future and look forward sharing her side of the story with you.

Per her request, we present Genevieve’s rebuttal to Sharky’s Top Ten List:

Top 10 Reasons that Verne Troyer and Genevieve Gallen’s marriage WOULD last.

#10: I have known Verne since January of 2000. In the duration, I have met many “famous” men who are not half the man Verne is in heart and personality. There are easier ways to become famous than being in a long term real and intimate relationship. Plus, my career in modeling and private yoga lessons is well established and a reward in itself.
#9: To set the record straight. I am 5 ‘6 without heels and very petite. He is the most amazing man to be held by, and I am fortunate to have his arms around me.
#8: Lets just say, make no assumptions. I am a very satisfied woman.
#7: ahhh….this one is too out there to comment. I will be carrying a kiddie backpack if we decide to have kiddies. :)
#6: When you live in Southern California with it’s spontaneous earthquakes, who needs amusement parks?
#5: And they will get sick of hearing “what a cute little intellect you have!” :)
#4: Now I agree, that one would get old quite quickly. You almost hit a “David Letterman” count with that one.
#3: 20″ Rims rollin’ through the drive through. Or better yet, “Fancy restaurants” will have the Verne. I.P. room.
#2: If fortunate enough, Genevieve Gallen. :)
#1: Yogic practioners are used to sitting in lotus possition for hours, look at it as a good work out. Or goin’ down the carpet with flair! I do have to watch the length of my skirts though!
All the best to you who wish us well!!! G.

Making a deal with ::jozjozjoz:: is only slightly better than making a deal with the devil.

Seen on IM last night prior to either of us leaving work…

her (5:16:58 PM): i want to go home now
me (5:17:01 PM): Me too
me (5:17:14 PM): If you run from your office screaming at the top of your lungs, I will too
her (5:17:35 PM): haha
her (5:17:38 PM): tempting
her (5:17:40 PM): very tempting
me (5:26:28 PM): No deal? Damn.

UPDATE: From today…
Continue reading ‘Making a deal with ::jozjozjoz:: is only slightly better than making a deal with the devil.’

Bride of Mini-Me™ (aka Genevieve Gallen, future Mrs. Verne Troyer)

OMG. The traffic to my site was soaring yesterday.

Why is it that I always get tons of traffic to my site when I post incredibly disturbing shit?

The last time this happened was when I posted photos of the Truck Nuts and before that, when I shared Mr. Obscene Swimsuit Man (aka Slingshot Boy) with the blogiverse.

Right now I’m looking at the stats of how people finding my site and like 90% are google and yahoo searches for “Genevieve Gallen” and “Verne Troyer” and “getting married.”

Evidently, everybody wants to see pictures so they know what this Genevieve Gallen chick looks like.

Well, good thing The Definitive Compilation of Mini-Me and Bride-To-Be™ Photos can be found right here at jozjozjoz.com.

A public anti-service, indeed.

My new mantra… Always believe Eve

When I saw Eve post that it was raining in L.A. a few minutes ago, I thought she was high or something.

It looked fine out to me.

Then I heard the (loud) thunder. And saw the (bright) lightning. And after freaking out for a moment, I realized “SHIT! I should have believed her!”

We are dog-sitting this week and I had to run to the other house and get the dogs into our house before it got too wet and muddy for them to run between the houses.

Now Moca and Terra are sitting here wanting my attention and I’m getting no work done.

::jozjozjoz:: did not turn into a gay male overnight

No, I didn’t get visited by the Fairy Fagmother™ this weekend.

For all the confused people who keep sending me IMs and emails going “What happened to you?” or “How dare you say such things about the gay guys in WeHo?!?!?! Who made you an expert?!”

Although I’ve been called a fag hag on more than one occasion, I, admittedly, am no expert on the gay male community.

But make no mistake, ::professoreric:: posted the thing denouncing the so-called “gay” community, not ::jozjozjoz::

::professoreric:: is an out, proud member of the jozjozjoz network™ and you can read his about his 4th of July here.

So please don’t confuse me, ::jozjozjoz::, with a gay male. As FABULOUS and HOT as my homo boyfriends are, I have a popsicle’s chance in hell of actually dating any of them. But that doesn’t stop me from loving them!

Blog stuff to do

1) Wrap up and announce winners for the WITWISK Game™ (yes, I know I suck).
2) Post prizes and get winners’ info for mailing.
3) Package and mail the damn prizes. (Thanks to Sharky for providing much of the prize package.)
4) Take the countdown for my massage off my blog.

Those are my priorities, in that order.

Hate and Head bumping

I am loving all of your comments; I am starting to feel not so alone. Just for some clarification, and I am sure joz got it, but the “hate” parts are simply sarcasm. I don’t really hate anyone; i just like getting dramatic every now and then. So don’t hate me ’cause I hate. Hate is just a four-letter word for love (which is also a four letter word meaning the same thing.) Get me yet?

Take what I say seriously, but never too seriously. Remember, I may be a jerk, but not an asshole. I hope… anyway can’t wait to tell ya’ll about my adventures home here on the east coast. I will have something worthwhile soon enough… if it is still there within the next few days…

There was a street sign that read “GO SLOW BUMP HEAD” I stood around and watched a bit, but no one seemed to heed the sign. Well they did the “slow” part, but I did not see anyone remember to bump their heads as they passed the sign. enough -professoreric

Denouncing the so called “gay” community…

Dear friends, (especially you gay friends out there),

Look recently, I have been asked to explain my seemingly lack of pride. Look I have plenty of “pride” I just don’t feel the need to go to every rainbow clad event, strip off my shirt and take a digital photo to post on gay.com or friendster. Sorry boys. And the word boy, it is spelled b.o.y. not b.o.i. I am very proud of my queer identity, but I am sick of those who feel like the only way to prove it is through cliché acts of gaydom. You most likely will not see me wearing a tiny black tank top every time I go to Rage to grind against the hard gym obsessed bodies of the other man-whores searching for acceptance from the others trying to fit the same cookie cutter identity as we dance to the latest Madonna remix which we pretend to love because she is supposedly a deity to us… ok, you get it. That’s not me, I will not be excited if you invite me to “WeHo” to go clubbing, I don’t care which 80’s pop has-been is singing at the parade, I will not smear body glitter on my Crunch Gym sculpted chest to run out and sing every lyric along with, lets say, Belinda Carlisle belting every line of her songs while rolling down Santa Monica Blvd. on a float commemorating Caesar Chavez’s younger gay brother Emilio Chavez, who did nothing for the farmers and migrant workers, but did create a more ergonomical way to add bright colors to those tiny drink umbrellas you get in fruity drinks at any bar including the ones on the deck of those gay cruise lines you always see advertised in the Advocate or Out. I also will take offense to anyone who comes over to me and after about 5 to 10 minutes of adequate conversations says something along the lines of “wow… you act really straight.” Um, hello did you learn nothing from the heterosexist environments that you grew up in, in these engendered social politics that made you beat up the femmy boys in high school with your dumb jock friends, while all you were thinking of was sucking their cocks in the locker room after basketball practice.

Wait: there is more insensitivity and reverse bigotry!
Continue reading ‘Denouncing the so called “gay” community…’

Why yes, my thumb is black.

I hate gardening.

My mom made me go in the backyard to help her trim some bushes.

There were spiders EVERYWHERE!

After about 5 minutes, finally threw the gardening gloves and shears on the grass and ran inside the house doing the heebie-jeebie dance the whole way.

My mom was a little mad but I didn’t care. SPIDERS! Eeeek!

Help me shop…

One of the things I’m not really fond of is shopping. I like to go to the mall occasionally & look around, but unless I know what I’m there to get, I don’t like to buy things. I’m just such a spendthrift & want to know that I’m getting a good deal for my money. I can be very cheap & penny-pinching (especially when it comes to spending money on me) so making a big purchase is a long, drawn-out process for me. It drives Yoshi crazy, since Yosh is the dictionary-example for “instant-gratification-driven-impulsive-buyerâ„¢“.

I’ve been moaning and groaning about wanting a digital camera for some time now & have finally decided that I need to just decide on one and buy it.

What’s important to me:
1) My budget is $400. I figure I can get a good digital camera that can replace my regular snapshot camera for this price.
2) Value. I don’t necessarily mean cheap. I want to know that for the $$$ I’m spending I’m getting a good deal.
3) Small and durable. I want one that I can carry with me everyday & one that’s not so fragile that it will break should I drop it (you know what I’m like when it comes to spilling).

As far as other features (megapixels, batteries, memory card, etc.), I will likely put them into a giant grid and compare them side-by-side, because I’m a geek like that.

So I’m looking for recommendations & I’ll share with you the ones I’m looking at right now. Comments/suggestions/testimonials welcomed. THANKS!

1) Minolta DiMAGE F100
2) Olympus Camedia D-40 Zoom
3) Canon PowerShot S400

Mini-Me + 6’2″ model = ???

Seen at Mikey, Eric, & Scott’s

Mini-Me Marrying Maxi-Model

According to Britain’s Sky News, Verne Troyer, the 2-foot-8 “Austin Powers” film star is engaged to a model who’s more than twice his size. His fiancee, Genevieve Gallen, is 6-foot-2.

Sky News reports that Gallen is a yoga instructor and model. Troyer and Gallen have been reportedly dating for a year, after initially meeting at a New Year’s Eve Party in the Playboy Mansion in 2000.

UPDATE: Here’s a link from October 6, 2002: Lovelorn Mini-Me goes on lethal binge

Evidently, when this couple was having problems, Mini-Me was reported to have run wild, fuelled by booze, in the Manhattan strip club Scores.

A dancer said: “Verne hit on every girl he got in his clutches. “He grabbed a friend of mine and whispered: ‘Y’know, I’m not small everywhere.’ He was definitely looking for some action.”

[If Mini-Me ever said something like that to me, I’d probably drop kick him to Timbuktu.]

minime_small.jpg

Don’t worry, I have more photos of the happy couple…
Continue reading ‘Mini-Me + 6’2″ model = ???’

Well, what DO you do with your miscarried fetus?

No, that’s not some sort of twisted anti-abortion joke…

Authorities: Woman Buries Fetus In Back Yard
Continue reading ‘Well, what DO you do with your miscarried fetus?’

Time to sleep

Sleep. Now.

Blog Change Bot

Seen at mischiefgurl, plastic fruit, michael, jen, and sledge’s sites…

Blog Change Bot (blogchangebot on AIM) is a blog monitoring service which updates you via AOL Instant Messanger when a blog you are interested in is updated. Subscribe via AIM or iChat to be automatically notified when the blog is updated.”

Click here to subscribe to my blog!

Public Service Announcement

I interrupt your day for a very important public service announcement…

csc-maw.jpg

On July 24th from 5:00 – 8:00pm, guests will be treated to a regular size “Make-A-Wish® Creation™*.” In exchange for the free Creation™, customers are encouraged to make donations to benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation®.

(*One creation per customer.)
Continue reading ‘Public Service Announcement’

More cool…

online magnetic poetry

(I especially like the “Dog Lover” and “Manager” kits).

William speaketh the trutheth.

I was playing with the Shakespeare Magnet Poetry and the first line I created was…
Continue reading ‘William speaketh the trutheth.’

That’s fucked up.

I have nothing to say about the whole Kobe Bryant thing, but I will say this…

It is REALLY fucked up that people are circulating (via email and IM) the name, age, email, address, and phone number of The Girl Who Was Schtupped By Kobe™.

I’ve gotten it from three different people via IM and then by e-mail at least twice (that I’ve seen). And in both cases, the email had been forwarded at least 10-15 generations before it even got to me.

Wrong. Just wrong.

Tired, cranky, blah…

That is all.

Joz says “Good morning!” to the gardener (aka ‘the scary shit you might see if you look in our house’)

The gardener is supposed to come on Saturday mornings. He didn’t come yesterday, so we just figured he flaked.

This morning, I opened the door to my bedroom and saw the gardener peering into the house.

Did I mention I was only wearing my bra and underwear?

I slammed the door shut and put a kimono on before going out there and asking what he wanted.

He said he was here to work on the lawn. (Duh. Aside for coming over and being a freakin’ peeping tom, what the hell else do you come for?)

UPDATE: No, I was not wearing my Bitchy Katâ„¢ panties. And, no, Mikey2, I will not model them for you. And, unless you’d like your corneas to be burned to a crisp, no, you do not WANT to see me in my bra and panties. I must give the gardener some credit. I cannot believe he did not weed whack his eyes out of his after seeing such a disgusting sight.

bkpanty.bmp




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