It would only be funnier if…

…jozjozjoz had to explain it all to her parents…

so jozjozjoz & her parents were at her grandma’s house to visit. her parents were going through some cabinets while joz was in the other room and they were finding all sorts of stuff that had been liberated from their house at one time or another. they found a selection of video tapes, some labeled, some not. mom found one with joz’s handwriting on the label. it read, “do it debbie’s way.”

[all in mandarin]
jozmom: what’s “do it debbie’s way?”
jozdad: how should i know?
mom: but it’s jocelyn’s writing, what do you think it is?
dad: it’s porn.
mom: WHAT?!!??! [silence as they stare at each other.]

i think joz had heard enough cuz the next thing they knew, joz swept into the room, grabbed the tape and mumbled, “i’ll take care of it.” as she went out the door.

next thing she did was to call me and go, “you’ll never guess what just happened…” she proceeded to relate the whole thing to me and was so horrified she couldn’t even face her parents. of course, i couldn’t stop laughing. she was just so confused. the writing on the label was hers, but from about 12 years ago. where, as a 13 year old girl, had she gotten hold of porn? and worse, WTF was it doing at her grandmother’s?!?!?!?

so of course it came home to live with us. joz wouldn’t even talk about it. it just went onto the bookshelf where it stayed for a couple of weeks. she tried to forget it was there, but wouldn’t throw it away. hmmm…

then, one morning after joz had left for work, i got up early and was puttering around looking for something to do. spied the tape on the shelf and thought, hell, why not? popped the tape in the vcr and settled onto the couch.

at first there was just that fuzzy tracking (kind of like when we used to try and watch the spice channel by flipping the channels on the remote control really quickly and got these weird half picture/half blur screens) and then it all evened out to what appeared to be a soundstage with 6 foot high lighted letters in the background, spelling out “debbie”. the camera pulled back and focused on one person in the middle of the stage, dressed in a leotard, headband and leg warmers. it was none other than debbie reynolds, surrounded by a bunch of skinny women dressed in similar fashion.

this was like no other porn i’d ever seen. i fast forwarded it, thinking perhaps that something exciting would be following, but no, all that flashed onto the screen was the title, “do it debbie’s way“.

a workout tape. starring debbie reynolds.

joz freaked out over jazzercise.

maybe that is funnier than if it had actually been porn.

and she still has yet to tell her parents that it was debbie reynolds. and that debbie was breathing hard because she was sweatin’ to the oldies, not because she was participating in a three-way with teri garr and florence henderson (who, incidentally, both make guest appearances on the tape).

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