Monthly Archive for February, 2003

So much to do…

…so little time.

We are packing so much and so fast, I feel like we’re Lucy & Ethel wrapping chocolates. No matter how fast we go, there just seems to be more and more stuff to pack.

lucychoc.bmp

Need to make lists and schedule things so I don’t forget anything…

Thank goodness for Outlook. NastyBastard pointed out a great little feature that I gotta take advantage of.

Cum-scheduler.

You’d think *SOMEONE* in the marketing department would have asked them to use the word “plus” instead.

Am I awake enough to answer today’s Friday Five?

I sure hope so. The Friday 5 this week is not that taxing….
Continue reading ‘Am I awake enough to answer today’s Friday Five?’

Packing sucks…

Have I mentioned that yet?

Damn Parking Nazi

I am enraged beyond words.

But they sure as hell are coming out like mad… For the time being, I live in a household with 4 people, all of whom also share a mailbox/postal service that signs for our packages (UPS, FedEx, etc) and things during the day.

When we get things that are too big for the box, we get a little slip of paper that says when the package arrived and we have to go during business hours so a person can hand us the package.

Today, I was in a big rush to get the mail & so I parked in the meters right in front so I could pop in and out with my mail. There was even 2 minutes on the meter, so I did not have to search and find a nickel. It would have worked out perfectly had there not been one of those stupid slips of paper in the box.

You already know where this is going, but humor me. So while I was waiting for the mail guy to hand me my package, Parking Nazi shows up, punching buttons on his little ticket-writing device. I did not realize this, because I was waiting for the package… which turned out not to be a package but rather a large piece of junk mail for my housemate (who never picks up the mail and uses that address to sign up for free shit). This is about the 1000th time I have gone during business hours to retrieve a ‘package’ which turned out to be JUNK MAIL for her. The latest glut of junk mail has been from all the car companies, because she takes test drives just to get the free shit they give you. In the meantime, they send CRAP to our mailbox, that I end up having to retrieve, because I can’t tell by a stupid piece of paper that it’s not for me and that it’s JUNK.

Anyway, so as I was walking out, I saw the Parking Nazi putting the ticket on my window. WHAT?!?!

I go out there and say to him “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I don’t control the meters,” he said. “If it’s red, I have to write a ticket. Too bad.”

[I am PISSED woman, hear me ROAR.]

DAMN YOU, Parking Nazi. Now I have to pay 35 hard-earned dollars because I was late 30 seconds waiting for junkmail that wasn’t even mine.

$35! Do you know what $35 can buy?

• A month’s membership at the gym.
• A nice pair of jeans at Old Navy, maybe even a shirt, too.
• 7 rotisserie chickens Costco
• Lunch for 2 at Todai
• One month of DSL service
• A basket full of stuff from the 99 Cents Only store
• 3 DVDs from Amazon
• 2 VFLA CDs
• Breakfast for 4 at Cafe 50s… plus a root beer float!
• Better yet, 1750 2-cent plains at Cafe 50s
• 140 gumballs @ a quarter each

And if anyone wants to send me $35, I will shut up about this a lot sooner…

[end rant]

joz needs a new pair of shoes

Literally.

I have a tendency to wear my shoes to death before I’ll buy a new pair.

At the same time, I have somehow managed to stockpile 3 crates of shoes in my closet. I still haven’t figured that one out.

The left heel of my current pair of all-purpose black shoes that I got a Payless about 2 years ago has worn down to the point that something is RATTLING inside the heel of my shoes.

It’s kind of like having a rattle strapped to your foot. It’s annoying and makes people look. Probably the weird ones. Ack.

Definitely high on my priority list: new black all-purpose shoes.

Screw packing. I gotta go shoe shopping.

A mix of excitement, panic, and anxiety… all at once!

It’s finally happening. We’re moving.

In less than two weeks… ACK!

I am the world’s biggest pack-rat.

I am so excited about moving to a new space, but panicking about packing, moving boxes and furniture around, and most of all, anxious about the prospect of having to throw things away. I started last night & it was HARD! REALLY HARD!

So if I neglect my blog for the next few weeks, it’s all for a good reason.

Maybe I will find someone to guest blog while I’m busy packing & moving… any takers?!

Coolio

When I stay up all night, I come up with *brilliant* ideas like the ‘vomit theme.

I’d been hoping to come up with something that’d make me cooler, but thanks to GeekGrrl (the chickee I steal all the REALLY good ideas from) I AM CERTIFIABLY* COOLER!

This certifies that I, jozjozjoz,
Have Become Cooler
Than I was Before

resume for java servlet and web development in new york

*Certifiably SOMETHING anyway

Blog A Day Tour?

If it wasn’t for jewdez, This-or-That Tuesday would be What-the-Fuck Wednesday…

So, here we go…

1. Holland or Netherlands? The Netherlands.
2. Emu or Ostrich? Emu (I’m waiting for emotionemu to replace emotioneric)
3. Biff or Happy? Happy
4. Quincy or Braintree? Braintree
5. Cassius Clay or Muhammad Ali? Ali
6. Istanbul or Constantinople? Istanbul
7. Pig or Swine? Pig
8. Barf or Puke? Barf!
9. Potatoes or Spuds? Potatoes
10. Squeeze Box or Accordion? Accordion

Weirdos galore

I admit it. I am a weirdo magnet.

If I am in a public place and there are scores of people that could potentially be harassed, the crazy-scary-weirdo will seek me out (the way Anna Nicole is drawn to Godiva chocolates within a 10-mile radius) and bug me.

This is the main reason as to why I am phobic of public transportation and going to the gym alone.

A couple of weeks ago, I was at a Ralphs in K-town, when a old-crazy-scary-weirdo-guy started to talk to me as I was standing in line. What started out as a harmless “Nice weather” culminated in 7 minutes of him talking non-stop about the original Ralphs family & the fact that the checkers at Ralphs wear name tags (“Hi! My name is Mike!” he kept saying).

The supermarket-weirdo electricity must have been in the air again, last Friday. I was in the produce section in Albertson’s when a young (aspiring?) crazy-weirdo jumped out in front of my cart. She cackled endlessly while doing the lame detachable-finger magic trick I learned when I was five. I vaguely remember seeing an old-crazy-weirdo man showing her the trick as I entered the store, Evidently, this was the coolest/funniest thing in the world, and she (of course) had to show me while aisle-blocking my cart into the corner.

After successfully escaping her, I was accosted by the bag boy, who insisted that I guess how old he was (23… I guessed ‘high school age’). He then proceeded to tell me about how he and his friends all have baby faces and look younger than they actually are. Mind you, I did not ASK or CARE how the hell old he was, he just decided to start this not-that-scary-but-kinda-crazy weirdo shit with me.

I was only there to buy my ingredients for my caesar salad…

[sigh]

Vomit & other “emotions”

Some may have noticed the new ‘vomit theme’ (as I like to call it) on my blog. Yes, very pleasant, I know.

I’m still working on it, so if you have any comments or suggestions, let me know. As far as things go, I’m still tweaking and Mike hasn’t yet figured out what is wrong with the Moveable Type template that screws up the blog body and forces you to scroll right to read (sorry, it pisses me off, too). I’m thinking of re-doing the template anyway, so who knows what’s in store…

I’ve been meaning to pimp Emotion Eric for a while now. I think his site is hilarious… you tell me…

And going with the vomit theme, have some ‘stomach cramps,’ courtesy of Eric.

Wanna see my Wee Mee?

I’m a big copy cat and had to follow suit after GeekGrrl & Unix Gal & jewdez

Here’s my exhibitionist side showing you my wee mee… [scandalous!]
joz-weemee.bmp

There are not enough Asian peoples features to choose from, but oh well…

Notice how her drink matches her shirt and shoes… this is a must for me!

Shaken… not stirred…

It is 4:31 am and the house just went BOOM.

It was not a figment of my sleep-deprived mind.

Here’s proof from the USGS:

quakemap-02-22-03.bmp

And here’s the next contestant on… Saturday Scruples!

And now… this week’s Saturday Scruples!

I don’t like these questions all that much, but oh well… here goes…
Continue reading ‘And here’s the next contestant on… Saturday Scruples!’

Another Friday Five

1. What is your most prized material possession? I dunno. I guess I would say the teardrop pearl necklace I received for one of my birthdays. Or maybe the ring I got this past birthday. But I also have a lot of stuff from my mom and grandmother, I would not be able to part with.

2. What item, that you currently own, have you had the longest? I dunno. There are things from my childhood that I never threw away (and wouldn’t be able to unless I was forced to give it up at gunpoint). See next question…

3. Are you a packrat? Hell, yeah. The worst kind. It is a major accomplishment when I throw things away. I expect kudos when I do.

4. Do you prefer a spic-and-span clean house? Or is some clutter necessary to avoid the appearance of a museum? I would *prefer* a spic-and-span clean house, but I have no idea how to keep one that way. Unfortunately, I am messy & though I try my hardest not to be, messes seem to follow me around. This only applies at home. I do a pretty good job about being organized at my office. (My home office is another thing entirely.)

5. Do the rooms in your house have a theme? Or is it a mixture of knick-knacks here and there? The rooms that I’m in, the theme seems to be “How much stuff can I fit in this room?” It does not make me a popular housemate.

Murphy’s Law

Last night I had a meeting at the house where Murphy lives.

Though Murph is very excitable, normally she does not jump on me. She is a big strong strapping dog and as much as I love doggies, I generally do not like big doggie feet on me. I’m not too fond of little doggie feet on me, either.

I mean, I don’t think you’d like it much if I greeted you with, “Hi! How are you?!” and then stuck my foot out, or worse yet, stepped on you. Greeting people with your feet is rude, by almost any rule of etiquette.

Joz’s Rule #231: Do not greet me with your feet. I think that this rule should also apply to doggies.

It had been at least a couple of days since I’d last visited Murph. I was sitting at the dining room table when Murphy was allowed back in the house & she got a running start, planted her dirty doggie paws on me, and slurped my face.

I’d forgotten Murphy’s Law: If I haven’t seen you in a really, really long time (a couple of days), I’m allowed to get all excited, jump on you, and lick you. (Not to be confused with the more-widely-known & accepted Murphy’s Law.)

I guess Murphy’s Law overrules Joz’s Rule #231.

But unless you are Murphy or Hunny, jumping on me and licking me would be a very bad way to greet me.

Orgy at Carly’s

I don’t know Carly. But there was an orgy at her place.

If you missed it, she was nice enough to post pictures.

Maybe I gotta re-do my favorite 5 blogs and pimp Pornblography, instead.

‘Zen Master’ Phil Jackson, inventor of Faux-Chinese Languages

This is from espn.com on January 24, 2003, not long after the teams for the All-Star Game were announced and the Houston Rockets Yao Ming led all West centers with 1,015,018 votes, easily ahead of the Lakers Shaquille O’Neal on 784,920.

Check out the Quote of the Day spoken by ‘Zen Master’ Phil Jackson.

—Excerpt begins here—
“I don’t think it bothers him in the least. He understands fully the NBA has put out four forms of (ballots in) Mandarin, Cantonese, Pekingese and also Hong Kong-ese to allow the Chinese voters to vote on the All-Star ballot, which probably skews it a little bit.”

—Lakers coach Phil Jackson on Shaquille O’Neal’s thoughts about losing the West’s starting center spot to Yao Ming — and two languages that don’t exist (Pekingese and Hong Kong-ese).
—Excerpt ends here—

Um… excuse me. But when written, Mandarin & Cantonese Chinese is all the same… (traditional vs simplified characters have nothing to do with dialect).

And Pekingese? Hong-Kong-ese?

I’ll show ya Pekingese!

Potpourri

This-or-That Tuesday

Potpourri

1. Black or white? White
2. Plaid or stripes? Stripes
3. Paperback or hardcover books? Hardcover
4. Color or B&W printer? B&W, assuming it’s a laser printer
5. Golden oldies or the newest tunes? Golden oldies
6. Ice cream: in a cone or a dish? Dish… no, cone… no, dish…
7. Bath or shower? Bath, if I have time… but showers are good too.
8. Are you outgoing or shy? More outgoing than shy…
9. Answer the phone when it rings, or screen calls? I have caller ID. See who’s calling… then answer quickly.
10. VCR or TiVO? As of yet, undecided. But probably leaning toward TiVO.

Today is Hunny Day!

Happy Birthday, Hunny!

I love you!

(More than opera!)

I love opera

I don’t mean this opera.

This opera.

Check this out. The Swedish Chef rules. Børk!

The Swedish Chef Goes After Microsoft

svedish_chef.jpg

Jedis Become a Force to Be Counted

jedi.jpg

If you think I’m just making this up, you need to read up on your Yahoo! News.

Yahoos, indeed!

It has spread to Australia, too.

(Not to be confused with the OTHER Jedi religion.)

All of this just cracks me up.

Cheat Sheets and Study Tools

I want to memorize capitals for all 50 states, because I realized that I no longer remember them from fifth grade.

Hooray to the Animaniacs for providing me this wonderful cheat.

Who knows if I’ll end up memorizing the capitals in the long run, but Turkey in the Straw never sounded better to me.

f5 for Valentine’s Day

Another Friday Five… this time on Friday… but it has nothing to do with Valentine’s Day.

1. Explain why you started to journal/blog.
I am forcing myself to write daily in this blog. It’s been a long time since I’ve written consistently (not counting school).

Also, I am amassing legions of followers whom I am brainwashing to help me take over the world. But that’s just an ancillary reason for the blog.

2. Do people you interact with day to day or family members know about your journal/blog? Why or why not?
Um, some do & some don’t. I haven’t really gotten around to tell people about it. I mention it when I think about it. The people who visit my blog most often are people who are online all the time. :)

3. Do you have a theme for your journal/blog?
Not really. It’s called “brain barf” for a reason. :)

4. What direction would you like to have your journal/blog go in over the next year?
I don’t know yet. I’m working on making it look not-so-retarded in the near future, as soon as I figure out how.

5. Pimp five of your favorite journals/blogs.
Aside from mine…
a. Wil Wheaton
b. Mike Doss
c. UglyExpat
d. Nessahead
e. Land Phil – No Dumping

“The Useless Precaution” (with apologies to Rossini)

We have season tickets to the L.A. Opera and Friday night was Opening Night for The Barber of Seville. (Why do I always think of Elmer Fudd when I hear this?)

laopera.gif

There are pros and cons of going to an opening night performance. The biggest reason we decided to have our subscription be mostly opening night concerts has nothing to do with the performance itself. It’s because of the audience. It is nice to sit in a mostly-packed house of opera-lovers like ourselves and be able to be part of an audience that is knowledgable about opera and, more importantly, concert etiquette.

The one time we went to a non-opening-night concert last year, there was barely anyone in the seats, so several audience members decided that it was appropriate to play musical chairs in the empty seats to find the best seat. They started out behind us, moved to the same row as us… decided they couldn’t see well enough, got up, moved two rows up… got up again & did this until they were at the front of our section. Now, had the concert not started yet, this might not have bothered me… but how is this ok when the lights have already gone down and the orchestra is playing?

On Friday night, there was a glut of late-comers… and the users at the Music Center seemed content with letting people into the audience, despite the fact that the familiar “Seville” overture had already started & it was PITCH BLACK and one could barely see row #s, much less SEAT #s. Combine this with a virtually sold-out house… and you have late-comers climbing over people, trying to figure out where their seats are. If you didn’t know any better, you’d have thought a spontaneous “Twister” game had broken out in the Dorothy Chandler.

One group of people totally misjudged where their seats were & began looking for theirs seats on one side, walked THROUGH the middle row (where people were already seated), down the aisle, across the front to the other side, up the other aisle, and back across another row of people, where I can only assume they ended up, if someone didn’t maim them all first.

Seems like going to Opening Night to avoid annoying crowds was a “Useless Precaution,” indeed. Figaro would agree.

It’s Raining Cats and Dogs

Literally.

I have been semi-pet-sitting for the last couple of days. Ok, so really I just have an excuse to go play with cats and a doggie. My “pet-sitting” stint officially began yesterday… the day that L.A. began getting rain. A lot of rain.

Murphy, a big dog, kind of a cross between a Ridgeback and a moose, loves to play ball. Evidently the rain is not a deterrent. Not one iota. After playing ball in the rain with her for some time, I decided I needed to be warm and dry and headed inside. Murphy (somewhat reluctantly) came in with me & I held on to her collar and ducked down under the table to grab a towel to dry her off.

All I know is that when my head came up, I was nose to wet doggie snout and was sprouting white fur on the back of my neck. Nikita and Jasper (2 of the kitties) decided to try to keep me warm by making a little kitty muffler and fur hat straight out of Dr. Zhivago out of their bodies. While I appreciated the sacrifice, it’s a bit closer than anyone with cat allergies should be to the feline species.

I guess I was destined to have it rain cats and dogs on me indoors and out.




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